"Cuz t's not too late,
It's never too late."
There has been a lot of tension on my facebook regarding the Baltimore riot. People having opinions, people getting angry with people having opinions. People having opinions about the angry people with opinions on the opinions. Its so meta. Its like Inception of the emotions world. And I've actually found myself attacked on the internet (OH THE HORROR) for having an opinion about the subject matter, too. I wanted to respond so badly because it feels so personal when its so close to home, but I knew it would fall on deaf ears and I didn't want to be argumentative. And people who are hell bent on misunderstanding you, will be hell bent on misunderstanding you no matter what your intentions are. My feeling is: we are loosing sight that we're all on the same team here, generally.
But, even with the nonsense, and the arguments, and the opinions of the perceived misinformed I gotta tell you, I think its great! Its so neat to be able to go somewhere (online) and voice your thoughts and feelings and give education, and receive education. We're lucky. Not everywhere in the world is able to do that. There's so much information out there and its all at our finger tips (you may now take the next 5 seconds to marvel at that idea... 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... ok good).
I'm not going to get up on my high horse and wax political as if I have some greater understanding of the situation, or of the justice system. And in fact, I don't even live in the city anymore. But... its still my home. I have a strong connection to it that will always pull me to it. Its electric.
I've been trying to write something about it while it was still a hot topic, (like as if this topic should ever not push buttons) but I struggled to find the right words, and in all honesty, my frustrations with what I sensed was going on (even before the big rioting on Monday) was really enough to make me cry (or laugh, because thats my defense mechanism). But then I realized, while we're not necessarily becoming desensitized, it does seem like its the same story over and over right now. And thats good in terms of making a change... there was a message (no matter how awful or unpleasant... the statement was initially made) and now we're going to beat people over the head with the message until something gets done.
At least, that seems to be the plan.
Me writing a blog about it is, well its not going to hurt the cause at all but, I'm not sure that right now I'm the right vessel to voice things. So I'll leave it really simple.
There's a lot of bullshit going on in the world right now. Each of us has our own causes. I'll be the first one to admit while I knew the stuff in Ferguson was total crap, I wasn't all that invested in it. I'm not proud of that. But its just the way it was for me. I could spout off a bunch of reasons as to WHY; I was busy, I was tired, I was ambivalent, I was sick, I was traveling, I was in class... etc etc.
But the truth is, I really just... okay well the real truth is, it all happened so fast, that by the time I really understood what was going on (because I mean, lets face it...kids DO make it hard to focus, especially when they are THAT little, and O couldn't sit online and read all the info online and we didn't have cable), it seemed like voicing an opinion on the subject would be sort of... a moot point by the time I knew what was happening.
But now its happening in my back yard. And even STILL I didn't realize what a big deal the Freddy Gray situation had become until I hibernated the weekend prior to the riot and read some stuff on it. I came outside to talk to Helene and I think she was sort of baffled that I was as shocked by the whole thing as I was (she has a long commute and NPR is her friend during those rides). And then Monday happened and I turned on the tv and didn't turn it on for about 4 days.
The riots hurt my soul. I sat in the living room (I sent the kids outside), and cried. It was both shock and sadness. And then I started laughing. Not because I was amused, but because thats my coping mechanism. When I am that flabbergasted... the shock of it just manifests into what I named: Crauphing. Cry laughing. I can't process something like that any other way.
And I was scared. Not for me personally... but for everyone that was there, or even around there. Whats going to happen? What does this mean? What happens now? And also... I found myself... almost understanding of the situation and how they must have felt. They were pushed to their breaking point. And they were scared too and thats why this was happening. I'm not saying rioting is the answer...
but it did get the worlds attention, didn't it? What would it take for YOU to get to the point where you felt that was your ONLY option to be heard?
The consensus since has been, "Looting is bad... mkay? So is rioting, mkay? And so is violence, mkay?" (and that fire... just, unbelievable) But this was a result of SO many people feeling like they were lost, and scared, and angry and tired, and felt like there were no other option for them.
I'm not saying that it was the right choice, I'm not saying the wrong one. I'm saying thats how they felt. That was their truth.
Since then, though... the city has really... done a 180. Its sort of a bipolar reaction. Or maybe it was more of a OH MY GOD. LOOK AT WHAT JUST HAPPENED. THAT IS NOT OKAY. Lets make up for it shall we? lets LITERALLY go clean up this mess that became the "Monday that should be named but also shouldn't be", throw, a giant party in Baltimore with music and dancing and lets unite each other. Lets remind each other that we're all in this together. Lets remind each other that we are feeling the same things. Lets remind each other we're on eachotehrs team (stupid Lorde, but she right).
And then again, I sat on the couch, and cried. Only this time I let the kids see. There were drumlines (nerds unite!) and some step teams and singers and dancers and a mini parade and it was just... honestly, this protest looked like FUN. It looked exactly how it was meant to from the beginning. And the leaders of the protest with bullhorns were singing unified chants, and asking for change and answers.
Then the curfew happened and what looked like it might actually turn ugly... once again... didn't. The police (and military) held themselves to a very unified high standard, keeping strong without instigating, civilians were even protecting the police line reminding people what they were all there for. And slowly but surely, aside from a few people wanting to make a final negative statement, the line moved and everyone went home.
Then Wednesday happened. Same scenario. More people had organized marches, and even what looked like parade floats, marching to city hall, and the monuments (i believe) to sing songs of change and unity. Bad ass. And then I turn on the news a few hours later to see that New York and DC had joined in (and soon Philly and Seattle).
Wow. Talk about solidarity.
So, then it was Thursday and I had absolutely NO idea what was in store. There is/was the potential for it turn ugly again. There were/are a lot of X factors involved, lots of gangs with bad blood, lots of angry people looking for answers, lots of tired people looking for help, and... well the next day there was rumored to be a report that was going from one office to another (as i understand it... still kind of unclear on what that meant/is) and people were expecting things to happen, But instead that happened a day early, which meant that on Friday Mosby went out in public and charged all 6 officers in the Freddy Gray case with ALL kinds of fun and scary legal things.
Good. Now we have answers. A next step.
There were a ton of rallies planned for the weekend too, so much so that they cancelled a lot of events (example.. OOOORioles basBALL! don't lie, you sang the jingle), but I don't know... I think its great that people are so determined to try and make a difference.
Its been a week and two days since the riot. And things seemed to have relaxed, the curfew has been lifted as has the state of emergency... that kind of thing. But we'll see how it all plays out long term. Baltimore still has to endure a trial and that has the potential to be explosive, not just physically but emotionally. But in this moment? I feel proud. I love Baltimore. I really always have. I remember one of the best dates I've ever been on included going to the inner harbor and walking around, and discovering Federal Hill for the first time. Gorgeous. I lived in both Fed Hill and Charles Village for a time (the "scary" part too. It was an experience...). I don't know all the ins and outs of the city by any means, and I don't claim to. But I do love it. And I fill up with pride thinking how maybe, just maybe the voices will be heard and something will happen.
One can only hope.
It seems that at least the local government is in agreement with the public. They're even participating in the events too, which is kinda neat (makes me feel better about government in general honestly. FOR THE PEOPLE DUDES). I don't know what the answers are on HOW to change everything, but I'm glad that the majority of the city is on the same team.
I am trying to remain... not so political here and more capture a synopsis of my observations. I don't want a political debate by any means. I don't claim to know all the issues, I just know what I've felt in living there, and what I've experienced, and what I've learned this past week and... I just feel empathetic. Incredibly so. And I wish I could do more than just sit here and watch, but I am a bit severed from it all right now (even though some of my closest friends deployed with the National Guard to help. So bad ass-ly cool).
It just seems , at least the vibe I'm getting, that the city as a whole... is ready and wanting change, coming from peaceful hearts and unified minds. And THAT is something I am excited about. (hashtagteambaltimore)
So why this little personal (and incredibly brief) summation of events? Well, selfishly, I'd like to read this blog in a year from now and go "that moment was part of a series of moments that helped inspire change, and look at how much better we are all for it". Some of it is because I haven't really expressed how overwhelmingly excited I am about whats going on in the city right now.
Here's a status I posted in the moment last week:
Happy to wake up and see Baltimore still holding it down. Thank you to our law enforcers for stepping up and reacting so carefully and effectively. And also, more importantly a huge thank you to the people of the city for doing the right things, and taking care of each other. heart emoticon great to see that rather than destruction, stability and positive energy are still fueling the movement. I am still so impressed with the turn around. Keep on keepin' on. smile emoticon
#charmcity
#baltimorestrong
Part of me wants to bring this blog to the typical "well because of this great big life event I'm not taking stock of things in my own life" or "lifes so ugly so here's some beauty". Which... I mean aren't bad things to say, or do. I just... I feel that so many people write things like that, and there's just something that feels a little insincere about it right now. And it feels short lived... and it camouflages itself as something with a lot of power, when its really it has no longevity. The intentions are good, and pure... but I'm just not feeling like thats really going to nail my point home.
Perhaps thats because this blog has really no other point than for myself. This isn't about pictures, or business, or nannying, or what instagram picture of food I just took. This is just about my personal experiences and feelings on the subject in this moment. And tomorrow might be better, or it might be worse. Just like everyone else.
So I guess thats my point. My point is that I'm feeling incredibly great about the Baltimore situation right now. I feel incredibly great to be part of that community on a small level. I feel incredibly great that other cities have joined. I feel incredibly great that after such an emotionally scary angry day that we can turn it around. We can always turn it all around. I feel great about that.
Its funny, cuz its human nature to act out when you're feeling neglected. Kids do it all the time. Both in the short term and in the long term. (although, its not happening right now because my kids are amazeballs). WE do it as adults. Its what when we feel powerless, we try and gain control by doing something so outrageous, to see if we get some attention. This is a prime example of a community feeling neglected and acting out. Looking for their voiced to be heard.
So maybe thats where I am right now. Realizing that some people felt so desperate they they wanted to burn their city down, but then was immediately answered by love and unity. Its never too late to turn it all around. Baltimore is currently trying to do that. People tell you all the time that its never to late to change your ending, or its never too late to start over, and that as long as you keep fighting for your cause, all is not lost... but to actually see that? live? Well, its sort of inspiring and uplifting. And its my hope that that motivation continues and its not just a flash in a pan because its currently trendy.
Huh. Its never too late to turn things around. Never. Too late. To change your ending. Funny how it takes 1000 words to get to that moment of clarity.
I know this isn't eloquent, and its filled with a lot of words of good intend and motivational speeches. But this "Baltimore Riot turned Peaceful protest for change" has really uplifted me. No bravado. No false promises. No bullshit. It really has. And I am very much looking forward to seeing positive change come from it, even if that positive change is even something as small as TRUE acknowledgement of the problem and getting some answers (even if they are ones we may not like).
To shift for a moment...
I think one thing that made it... strange for us here at the 643; is that Helene is a K teacher. And she teaches down near city Baltimore. not down there down there like she was on the front lines, but she was damn close. And some of the kids she teaches had family or knew people involved in the Monday riot.
So how do you explain this thing to a bunch of 5 years olds? how?
And even more personal to me... how do you explain to Ian and Amelia, two white kids from suburbia? (I mean, right now you don't... they're too young to understand). I kept it as simple as explaining what the police were doing, but that was even hard because I didn't want to definitively say anything negative or positive in that moment. If she saw what happened Monday NOW I'd be better prepared with an arsenal of explanations that keep it simple. but Monday... I just kept her away.
But what happens when she asks? and she's old enough? I mean, I want to say that I have a lot of empathy for the kids and young adults and normal old adults (lol) in the city that were so upset that they felt rioting was the only way to be heard. But how to explain that? How?
My answer? I show them what happened Tuesday. I show them the positive turnaround. I show them the goodness in people and use that as an example of progress and motivation. I show them how using your voice and using positive passion to motivate your requests and causes can make a difference. And how you will be heard and shown in a wonderful warm light if only you come from a place of love. I show them the groups of people that woke up the next day and cleaned up their city with trashbags and brooms without being asked. And I explain to them that these people, the ones who are banding together are the strongest of them all. And that while people can be hurtful and cruel, that there is always a white knight. And thats its okay to be that white knight in the darkness. I show them how to have empathy for the situation. I show them its okay to dream. And its okay to hope. And its okay to show up for a call to action. I show them how a group of strong individuals with conviction and promise can raise their voices above the white noise and truly be heard.
Essentially, show them light and love. Show them hope. And to look towards the future. <3
There has been a lot of tension on my facebook regarding the Baltimore riot. People having opinions, people getting angry with people having opinions. People having opinions about the angry people with opinions on the opinions. Its so meta. Its like Inception of the emotions world. And I've actually found myself attacked on the internet (OH THE HORROR) for having an opinion about the subject matter, too. I wanted to respond so badly because it feels so personal when its so close to home, but I knew it would fall on deaf ears and I didn't want to be argumentative. And people who are hell bent on misunderstanding you, will be hell bent on misunderstanding you no matter what your intentions are. My feeling is: we are loosing sight that we're all on the same team here, generally.
But, even with the nonsense, and the arguments, and the opinions of the perceived misinformed I gotta tell you, I think its great! Its so neat to be able to go somewhere (online) and voice your thoughts and feelings and give education, and receive education. We're lucky. Not everywhere in the world is able to do that. There's so much information out there and its all at our finger tips (you may now take the next 5 seconds to marvel at that idea... 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... ok good).
I'm not going to get up on my high horse and wax political as if I have some greater understanding of the situation, or of the justice system. And in fact, I don't even live in the city anymore. But... its still my home. I have a strong connection to it that will always pull me to it. Its electric.
I've been trying to write something about it while it was still a hot topic, (like as if this topic should ever not push buttons) but I struggled to find the right words, and in all honesty, my frustrations with what I sensed was going on (even before the big rioting on Monday) was really enough to make me cry (or laugh, because thats my defense mechanism). But then I realized, while we're not necessarily becoming desensitized, it does seem like its the same story over and over right now. And thats good in terms of making a change... there was a message (no matter how awful or unpleasant... the statement was initially made) and now we're going to beat people over the head with the message until something gets done.
At least, that seems to be the plan.
Me writing a blog about it is, well its not going to hurt the cause at all but, I'm not sure that right now I'm the right vessel to voice things. So I'll leave it really simple.
There's a lot of bullshit going on in the world right now. Each of us has our own causes. I'll be the first one to admit while I knew the stuff in Ferguson was total crap, I wasn't all that invested in it. I'm not proud of that. But its just the way it was for me. I could spout off a bunch of reasons as to WHY; I was busy, I was tired, I was ambivalent, I was sick, I was traveling, I was in class... etc etc.
But the truth is, I really just... okay well the real truth is, it all happened so fast, that by the time I really understood what was going on (because I mean, lets face it...kids DO make it hard to focus, especially when they are THAT little, and O couldn't sit online and read all the info online and we didn't have cable), it seemed like voicing an opinion on the subject would be sort of... a moot point by the time I knew what was happening.
But now its happening in my back yard. And even STILL I didn't realize what a big deal the Freddy Gray situation had become until I hibernated the weekend prior to the riot and read some stuff on it. I came outside to talk to Helene and I think she was sort of baffled that I was as shocked by the whole thing as I was (she has a long commute and NPR is her friend during those rides). And then Monday happened and I turned on the tv and didn't turn it on for about 4 days.
The riots hurt my soul. I sat in the living room (I sent the kids outside), and cried. It was both shock and sadness. And then I started laughing. Not because I was amused, but because thats my coping mechanism. When I am that flabbergasted... the shock of it just manifests into what I named: Crauphing. Cry laughing. I can't process something like that any other way.
And I was scared. Not for me personally... but for everyone that was there, or even around there. Whats going to happen? What does this mean? What happens now? And also... I found myself... almost understanding of the situation and how they must have felt. They were pushed to their breaking point. And they were scared too and thats why this was happening. I'm not saying rioting is the answer...
but it did get the worlds attention, didn't it? What would it take for YOU to get to the point where you felt that was your ONLY option to be heard?
The consensus since has been, "Looting is bad... mkay? So is rioting, mkay? And so is violence, mkay?" (and that fire... just, unbelievable) But this was a result of SO many people feeling like they were lost, and scared, and angry and tired, and felt like there were no other option for them.
I'm not saying that it was the right choice, I'm not saying the wrong one. I'm saying thats how they felt. That was their truth.
Since then, though... the city has really... done a 180. Its sort of a bipolar reaction. Or maybe it was more of a OH MY GOD. LOOK AT WHAT JUST HAPPENED. THAT IS NOT OKAY. Lets make up for it shall we? lets LITERALLY go clean up this mess that became the "Monday that should be named but also shouldn't be", throw, a giant party in Baltimore with music and dancing and lets unite each other. Lets remind each other that we're all in this together. Lets remind each other that we are feeling the same things. Lets remind each other we're on eachotehrs team (stupid Lorde, but she right).
And then again, I sat on the couch, and cried. Only this time I let the kids see. There were drumlines (nerds unite!) and some step teams and singers and dancers and a mini parade and it was just... honestly, this protest looked like FUN. It looked exactly how it was meant to from the beginning. And the leaders of the protest with bullhorns were singing unified chants, and asking for change and answers.
Then the curfew happened and what looked like it might actually turn ugly... once again... didn't. The police (and military) held themselves to a very unified high standard, keeping strong without instigating, civilians were even protecting the police line reminding people what they were all there for. And slowly but surely, aside from a few people wanting to make a final negative statement, the line moved and everyone went home.
Then Wednesday happened. Same scenario. More people had organized marches, and even what looked like parade floats, marching to city hall, and the monuments (i believe) to sing songs of change and unity. Bad ass. And then I turn on the news a few hours later to see that New York and DC had joined in (and soon Philly and Seattle).
Wow. Talk about solidarity.
So, then it was Thursday and I had absolutely NO idea what was in store. There is/was the potential for it turn ugly again. There were/are a lot of X factors involved, lots of gangs with bad blood, lots of angry people looking for answers, lots of tired people looking for help, and... well the next day there was rumored to be a report that was going from one office to another (as i understand it... still kind of unclear on what that meant/is) and people were expecting things to happen, But instead that happened a day early, which meant that on Friday Mosby went out in public and charged all 6 officers in the Freddy Gray case with ALL kinds of fun and scary legal things.
Good. Now we have answers. A next step.
There were a ton of rallies planned for the weekend too, so much so that they cancelled a lot of events (example.. OOOORioles basBALL! don't lie, you sang the jingle), but I don't know... I think its great that people are so determined to try and make a difference.
Its been a week and two days since the riot. And things seemed to have relaxed, the curfew has been lifted as has the state of emergency... that kind of thing. But we'll see how it all plays out long term. Baltimore still has to endure a trial and that has the potential to be explosive, not just physically but emotionally. But in this moment? I feel proud. I love Baltimore. I really always have. I remember one of the best dates I've ever been on included going to the inner harbor and walking around, and discovering Federal Hill for the first time. Gorgeous. I lived in both Fed Hill and Charles Village for a time (the "scary" part too. It was an experience...). I don't know all the ins and outs of the city by any means, and I don't claim to. But I do love it. And I fill up with pride thinking how maybe, just maybe the voices will be heard and something will happen.
One can only hope.
It seems that at least the local government is in agreement with the public. They're even participating in the events too, which is kinda neat (makes me feel better about government in general honestly. FOR THE PEOPLE DUDES). I don't know what the answers are on HOW to change everything, but I'm glad that the majority of the city is on the same team.
I am trying to remain... not so political here and more capture a synopsis of my observations. I don't want a political debate by any means. I don't claim to know all the issues, I just know what I've felt in living there, and what I've experienced, and what I've learned this past week and... I just feel empathetic. Incredibly so. And I wish I could do more than just sit here and watch, but I am a bit severed from it all right now (even though some of my closest friends deployed with the National Guard to help. So bad ass-ly cool).
It just seems , at least the vibe I'm getting, that the city as a whole... is ready and wanting change, coming from peaceful hearts and unified minds. And THAT is something I am excited about. (hashtagteambaltimore)
So why this little personal (and incredibly brief) summation of events? Well, selfishly, I'd like to read this blog in a year from now and go "that moment was part of a series of moments that helped inspire change, and look at how much better we are all for it". Some of it is because I haven't really expressed how overwhelmingly excited I am about whats going on in the city right now.
Here's a status I posted in the moment last week:
Happy to wake up and see Baltimore still holding it down. Thank you to our law enforcers for stepping up and reacting so carefully and effectively. And also, more importantly a huge thank you to the people of the city for doing the right things, and taking care of each other. heart emoticon great to see that rather than destruction, stability and positive energy are still fueling the movement. I am still so impressed with the turn around. Keep on keepin' on. smile emoticon
#charmcity
#baltimorestrong
Part of me wants to bring this blog to the typical "well because of this great big life event I'm not taking stock of things in my own life" or "lifes so ugly so here's some beauty". Which... I mean aren't bad things to say, or do. I just... I feel that so many people write things like that, and there's just something that feels a little insincere about it right now. And it feels short lived... and it camouflages itself as something with a lot of power, when its really it has no longevity. The intentions are good, and pure... but I'm just not feeling like thats really going to nail my point home.
Perhaps thats because this blog has really no other point than for myself. This isn't about pictures, or business, or nannying, or what instagram picture of food I just took. This is just about my personal experiences and feelings on the subject in this moment. And tomorrow might be better, or it might be worse. Just like everyone else.
So I guess thats my point. My point is that I'm feeling incredibly great about the Baltimore situation right now. I feel incredibly great to be part of that community on a small level. I feel incredibly great that other cities have joined. I feel incredibly great that after such an emotionally scary angry day that we can turn it around. We can always turn it all around. I feel great about that.
Its funny, cuz its human nature to act out when you're feeling neglected. Kids do it all the time. Both in the short term and in the long term. (although, its not happening right now because my kids are amazeballs). WE do it as adults. Its what when we feel powerless, we try and gain control by doing something so outrageous, to see if we get some attention. This is a prime example of a community feeling neglected and acting out. Looking for their voiced to be heard.
So maybe thats where I am right now. Realizing that some people felt so desperate they they wanted to burn their city down, but then was immediately answered by love and unity. Its never too late to turn it all around. Baltimore is currently trying to do that. People tell you all the time that its never to late to change your ending, or its never too late to start over, and that as long as you keep fighting for your cause, all is not lost... but to actually see that? live? Well, its sort of inspiring and uplifting. And its my hope that that motivation continues and its not just a flash in a pan because its currently trendy.
Huh. Its never too late to turn things around. Never. Too late. To change your ending. Funny how it takes 1000 words to get to that moment of clarity.
I know this isn't eloquent, and its filled with a lot of words of good intend and motivational speeches. But this "Baltimore Riot turned Peaceful protest for change" has really uplifted me. No bravado. No false promises. No bullshit. It really has. And I am very much looking forward to seeing positive change come from it, even if that positive change is even something as small as TRUE acknowledgement of the problem and getting some answers (even if they are ones we may not like).
To shift for a moment...
I think one thing that made it... strange for us here at the 643; is that Helene is a K teacher. And she teaches down near city Baltimore. not down there down there like she was on the front lines, but she was damn close. And some of the kids she teaches had family or knew people involved in the Monday riot.
So how do you explain this thing to a bunch of 5 years olds? how?
And even more personal to me... how do you explain to Ian and Amelia, two white kids from suburbia? (I mean, right now you don't... they're too young to understand). I kept it as simple as explaining what the police were doing, but that was even hard because I didn't want to definitively say anything negative or positive in that moment. If she saw what happened Monday NOW I'd be better prepared with an arsenal of explanations that keep it simple. but Monday... I just kept her away.
But what happens when she asks? and she's old enough? I mean, I want to say that I have a lot of empathy for the kids and young adults and normal old adults (lol) in the city that were so upset that they felt rioting was the only way to be heard. But how to explain that? How?
My answer? I show them what happened Tuesday. I show them the positive turnaround. I show them the goodness in people and use that as an example of progress and motivation. I show them how using your voice and using positive passion to motivate your requests and causes can make a difference. And how you will be heard and shown in a wonderful warm light if only you come from a place of love. I show them the groups of people that woke up the next day and cleaned up their city with trashbags and brooms without being asked. And I explain to them that these people, the ones who are banding together are the strongest of them all. And that while people can be hurtful and cruel, that there is always a white knight. And thats its okay to be that white knight in the darkness. I show them how to have empathy for the situation. I show them its okay to dream. And its okay to hope. And its okay to show up for a call to action. I show them how a group of strong individuals with conviction and promise can raise their voices above the white noise and truly be heard.
Essentially, show them light and love. Show them hope. And to look towards the future. <3
Comments
Post a Comment