Paranoia Paranoia, every body's comin to get me! Just say ya never met me!
And I don't even own a TV. I love Harvey Danger. stop judging. NOW.
I've found that I have developed a fear of people knowing to much about me personally on here, I've been talking on a soap box. Avoiding any real personal information. It makes sense, cuz, its a buffer. You can be who you want to be on the internet. Now, granted, I'm always me. I catch a lot of flack for that actually... but, still.
This sheltered approch to blogging has lead to my posts to sound pretentious. And really, what do I have to be smug about? what could I POSSIBLY write here that would be anything novel, or interesting, or something you haven't already thought about?
well i'm sure you haven't thought about MY day... and everything that entails. So this is me, telling you about
my last few weeks.
I could start with the Hurricane and how that became not so much of a weather phenomenon but more and emotional one. Irene, turned out to be a lot of a rain and a complete emotional rollercoaster.... starting with the cancellation of home show, some whine and wine at the Tierno's (with a life altering conversation, I might add), some rainy rehearsal... and then ending up with a crappy drive home, and some less than pleasant email exchanges (which, to be honest I am both proud of myself for and not proud of myself for at the same time. I'm in a constant state of bipolar rationalization these days). I'd go into more detail about that, but honestly, whats done is done, and I'm trying my damndest to not get all worked up about that again. Especially since its water under the bridge... or over it... STUPID IRENE MAKING TRAVEL IMPOSSIBLE.
The following week involved a lot of hanging out wth my housies, cleaning, drinking copious amounts of alcohol (do not make fun of my coping mechanisms, people... i will end you), and dying my hair blue. Why blue you ask? Because it was DCA Finals.. HYPE. Its tradition.
So DCA finals... well. It was different. And now I am regretting NOT posting about it sooner because, well... it was a pretty fun and historical weekend. The bus ride up was pretty stellar, I love hanging out with Kirby. Being on support staff was INCREDIBLY amusing... I LOVED working with PR and Phil and Lois and everyone. Prelims was super fun, we watched ID4 on the bus... (WIN), the show as good, pictures were aight, and then I found out we got 2nd... and as odd as it felt, it also didn't feel odd at all. We all drank, laughed, hung out, and it was awesome! After we got back to the school there was more red cupping, hanging with the staff who gave me some dino BBQ wings, had a heart to heart with my boy Phil, and then sleeeeeep.
I woke up all groggy, but I made eggs, and the LOTS of grilled cheese sammiches and did lots of schticking with the support staff. After lunch, I passed out for a few hours because I caught "the becca", packed up my stuff, and hung out on the bus for a while before the hornline joined me for the 2nd to last bus ride of the year. Bus hype music for the win. Warm up was FANTASTIC, the hornline was ready (check my FB for tuning, it was incredible). The show was a major step up from prelims and it was just so much fun to watch. Kudos. Right before retreat, it starting pouring like a mother effer, but the corps (all of them!) hyped on it as per usual. Retreat was on speed this year because of the rain, and now knowing the results, my heart sort of goes out to MBI because of that... cuz they didn't get the pleasure of a victory run and all that comes with that. But I'm skipping ahead... MBI won finals! Hats off to our other friends in blue (no pun intended to our no hatted friends up north...). We went over and shook their hands and it was just... truly a wonderful experience. :) I'd spend more time trying to find the words, but words fail me. But to quote the movie Bring it on: "so, 2nd place... how does it feel?" "feels like first!" :) And no, thats not just lip service.
The Bus ride was epic, including a judging competition of various body parts, some rocking out and ridiculous conversation. and beer. lots and lots of beer. And then a rest stop stop, which included MORE rocking out, and more beer. lots and lots of beer.
When we got back to Lucent, most of us decided to invade IHOP. HILARIOUS. I think we scared those people, which I consider a win. Normals just don't get it. Btw, order a Bacon Temptation if you get the chance. Most delicious thing ever. Bacon... and cheese, in an omlette? Yes, have some. And it was great hanging out with people in the lot after breakfast. The ride home was incredibly tough, as it always is. Its like leaving a piece of me there, every single year its tough. I may not have marched, and I may have only been the number 61, but that "place" which isn't really tangible.... is my home. Always and forever.
And for all of the people who called my rookie class, and every single rookie class since then not "true buccaneers" can now suck it. Because I was there for the beginning, and I got to be there for the end of the 64 show streak. And all of it in the middle. Thats pretty bad ass. And I'm so ready to get back in the line and produce what will undoubtedly be a wonderful program in 2012 (can't lie, i secretly hope its about zombies... cuz... the end of the world and all that? bamf).
The following week... was filled with mostly sleep, Madden 12. And rain. Rain that would not knock it the fuck off. Boo. Oh, and a very drunk but hilarious evening with one of my housemates, Eades, and my new friend Farris. We also had a Denny's trip in there somewhere too. win.
Which brings me to RAVENS/STEELERS GAME. We went to Rich's and it was quite a group. Not sure how many people were there, but it was a lot and it was amazingly fun. Watching us win, was wonderful... watching us win by a LOT? even more fantastic. Watching them throw punches? HILARIOUS. Watching Harbaugh shake is head in enjoyment? HIGHLIGHT of my week. So ridiculous. So much beer, so much fun. AND I got to meet Amelia (mike and helenes beautiful girl), and I'm not sure, but I think she stole my heart. This was definitely not the weekend I had planned on having 6 months ago, but, in all honesty, I think it might have been better, its exactly what I needed.
This week has been filled with... applications for financial aid, schools, and employment etc etc. And then on a more personal level... I've had the pleasure of enjoying a lot of odd facebook situations, text message conversations in the 3rd person, strange phone conversations, random emails people reaching out to me that I had all but decided to try and forget about. Talk about drudging up some emotions. And its all been from a variety of sources from a variety of past lives.
Some things, in my life I didn't get the chance to deal with because I had to make such rushed decisions so quickly; and so I skimmed the surface of dissecting them, made an emotional call on how I felt about it and quickly put it into a little box to be opened later when I had time to deal with it. I guess it was me prioritizing what needed to be dealt with at the time. And then as a lot of time has passed, I just sort of decided to NEVER open that emotional box because it meant... sort of reliving it. And, I felt like, truly, that I wouldn't ever need to open that box. INCORRECT. This week, due to some new information, and some unexpected connections I was forced to open up and start sifting through some "stuff" that I'd otherwise ignored. We're talking about years of... stuff, that lead to other stuff and so on and so forth. If I were to explain the exact situation on here, it would make no sense to you, because its not that big of a deal. But the truth is, to me, it is a big deal. It doesn't have to be a big deal to you at all.
I think when it comes to revisiting your past, sometimes you find out new information that changes how you see it. There is this quote from Grey's Anatomy that goes like this:
"When we're headed toward an outcome thats too horrible to face, thats when we go looking for a second opinion. And sometimes the answer we get just confirms our worst fears. But sometimes it can shed new light on the problem... make you see it in a whole new way. After all the opinions have been heard, and every point of view has been considered you finally find what you were after; the truth. But the truth isn't where it ends, thats just where you begin again... with a whole NEW set of questions"
Which is pretty much where I am now. I have many more questions than I did before. The good news is, I am able to sort through it all a lot easier than I thought I would. But its just the beginning. So the whole strong and steady thing I got going on right now is, as always, subject to change. I think this is good though. It might suck for a while, but I am going to get to the bottom of all of this... nonsensical arguing with people who just are... misinformed. Plus, who knows... maybe I'll find out how incredibly awesome I really am, and that I am not as crazy as I was made out to be/feel. Years of foundation have got me to where I am now.... so we'll see. And for all of you who love to assume, if you think you have any clue as to what I'm talking about, you're probably wrong. Given that this really applies to more than one scenario, think twice before you spout off about how this is about my "baby daddy" or my 15 year old boy friend (reference to previous blog... i get jokes).
Okay, enough with the vague, moving on..
Tomorrow, I am going to finish tearing down the wallpaper in my living room, and possibly start painting the half wall, and maybe the rest too; it really depends on how much paint I go through before I run out. Then, I will pick out my bed/mattress and order it. I will also send out my letters of intent to the appropriate people, and if weather allows, some yard work. I know, SUPER ambitious. But since Wine Fest is this weekend, and then FOOTBALL on Sunday, I gotta make sure I get everything done NOW. :)
So this is where I am, and what I've been doing. I haven't been as busy as I'd like to be, but thats truly on me. I'm hoping that now that I'm a little more settled in my apartment, and my anxiety has calmed down, I'm feeling better. My day and night have almost reversed themselves again, but I think thats partly due to the fact that I haven't really had a set schedule in months. I personally, have this to be a luxury.
I'm feeling more positive lately. Don't get me wrong, I'm more cynical and critical of things than I ever have been in my life (do not mistake that for judgmental....).But I've been working towards goals (read: finding work) and trying to give myself some "me" time which is something I have a tendency of sacrificing when I'm busy. I'm looking forward to the weekends ahead; Wine Fest, ravens, beerfest, ravens/collegiate festival, justin and kelly's wedding, ravens etc etc... Its gonna be a great fall.
I'm going to try to make blogging something that I do more of. I am looking into vlogging too, because, well I am sort of in love with Jenna Marbles. And I feel like I have a lot to offer the world, and as I said when I started blogging again... this is sort of an insight to one persons RIDICULOUSLY NONSENSICAL life. Who knows, maybe I'll start being ridiculously funny and get famous.
Anyway, this is a very pedestrian, rambling sort of post. I thought I'd step off my musing soapbox for a bit and ramble, and talk about boring mundane things for once. Rather than post a hate blog, or snobby thoughts on life... I thought I'd just stumble through the latest events, in a non-important uninteresting kind of way.
I hope all of you people are doing alright out there, chances are if you're reading this, I miss you. So, all of you people that I miss (if you're not sure, take your index finger, make a pointing gesture, and point to yourself, if you are capable of doing that.... I mean you)... shoot me an email or a facebook message telling me about YOU and how YOU are doing. Cuz, I love ya. All of you crazy-ass people. Yes, especially you. Oh and hey... you should even let me know what you want my next blog to be about, most of you people are brilliant in your own way... i think...
annnnd I'm rambling, because its almost 4am. I love you all...
I'm not sick, but I'm not well... (shut up, I really love that song!)
~flave
I've found that I have developed a fear of people knowing to much about me personally on here, I've been talking on a soap box. Avoiding any real personal information. It makes sense, cuz, its a buffer. You can be who you want to be on the internet. Now, granted, I'm always me. I catch a lot of flack for that actually... but, still.
This sheltered approch to blogging has lead to my posts to sound pretentious. And really, what do I have to be smug about? what could I POSSIBLY write here that would be anything novel, or interesting, or something you haven't already thought about?
well i'm sure you haven't thought about MY day... and everything that entails. So this is me, telling you about
my last few weeks.
I could start with the Hurricane and how that became not so much of a weather phenomenon but more and emotional one. Irene, turned out to be a lot of a rain and a complete emotional rollercoaster.... starting with the cancellation of home show, some whine and wine at the Tierno's (with a life altering conversation, I might add), some rainy rehearsal... and then ending up with a crappy drive home, and some less than pleasant email exchanges (which, to be honest I am both proud of myself for and not proud of myself for at the same time. I'm in a constant state of bipolar rationalization these days). I'd go into more detail about that, but honestly, whats done is done, and I'm trying my damndest to not get all worked up about that again. Especially since its water under the bridge... or over it... STUPID IRENE MAKING TRAVEL IMPOSSIBLE.
The following week involved a lot of hanging out wth my housies, cleaning, drinking copious amounts of alcohol (do not make fun of my coping mechanisms, people... i will end you), and dying my hair blue. Why blue you ask? Because it was DCA Finals.. HYPE. Its tradition.
So DCA finals... well. It was different. And now I am regretting NOT posting about it sooner because, well... it was a pretty fun and historical weekend. The bus ride up was pretty stellar, I love hanging out with Kirby. Being on support staff was INCREDIBLY amusing... I LOVED working with PR and Phil and Lois and everyone. Prelims was super fun, we watched ID4 on the bus... (WIN), the show as good, pictures were aight, and then I found out we got 2nd... and as odd as it felt, it also didn't feel odd at all. We all drank, laughed, hung out, and it was awesome! After we got back to the school there was more red cupping, hanging with the staff who gave me some dino BBQ wings, had a heart to heart with my boy Phil, and then sleeeeeep.
I woke up all groggy, but I made eggs, and the LOTS of grilled cheese sammiches and did lots of schticking with the support staff. After lunch, I passed out for a few hours because I caught "the becca", packed up my stuff, and hung out on the bus for a while before the hornline joined me for the 2nd to last bus ride of the year. Bus hype music for the win. Warm up was FANTASTIC, the hornline was ready (check my FB for tuning, it was incredible). The show was a major step up from prelims and it was just so much fun to watch. Kudos. Right before retreat, it starting pouring like a mother effer, but the corps (all of them!) hyped on it as per usual. Retreat was on speed this year because of the rain, and now knowing the results, my heart sort of goes out to MBI because of that... cuz they didn't get the pleasure of a victory run and all that comes with that. But I'm skipping ahead... MBI won finals! Hats off to our other friends in blue (no pun intended to our no hatted friends up north...). We went over and shook their hands and it was just... truly a wonderful experience. :) I'd spend more time trying to find the words, but words fail me. But to quote the movie Bring it on: "so, 2nd place... how does it feel?" "feels like first!" :) And no, thats not just lip service.
The Bus ride was epic, including a judging competition of various body parts, some rocking out and ridiculous conversation. and beer. lots and lots of beer. And then a rest stop stop, which included MORE rocking out, and more beer. lots and lots of beer.
When we got back to Lucent, most of us decided to invade IHOP. HILARIOUS. I think we scared those people, which I consider a win. Normals just don't get it. Btw, order a Bacon Temptation if you get the chance. Most delicious thing ever. Bacon... and cheese, in an omlette? Yes, have some. And it was great hanging out with people in the lot after breakfast. The ride home was incredibly tough, as it always is. Its like leaving a piece of me there, every single year its tough. I may not have marched, and I may have only been the number 61, but that "place" which isn't really tangible.... is my home. Always and forever.
And for all of the people who called my rookie class, and every single rookie class since then not "true buccaneers" can now suck it. Because I was there for the beginning, and I got to be there for the end of the 64 show streak. And all of it in the middle. Thats pretty bad ass. And I'm so ready to get back in the line and produce what will undoubtedly be a wonderful program in 2012 (can't lie, i secretly hope its about zombies... cuz... the end of the world and all that? bamf).
The following week... was filled with mostly sleep, Madden 12. And rain. Rain that would not knock it the fuck off. Boo. Oh, and a very drunk but hilarious evening with one of my housemates, Eades, and my new friend Farris. We also had a Denny's trip in there somewhere too. win.
Which brings me to RAVENS/STEELERS GAME. We went to Rich's and it was quite a group. Not sure how many people were there, but it was a lot and it was amazingly fun. Watching us win, was wonderful... watching us win by a LOT? even more fantastic. Watching them throw punches? HILARIOUS. Watching Harbaugh shake is head in enjoyment? HIGHLIGHT of my week. So ridiculous. So much beer, so much fun. AND I got to meet Amelia (mike and helenes beautiful girl), and I'm not sure, but I think she stole my heart. This was definitely not the weekend I had planned on having 6 months ago, but, in all honesty, I think it might have been better, its exactly what I needed.
This week has been filled with... applications for financial aid, schools, and employment etc etc. And then on a more personal level... I've had the pleasure of enjoying a lot of odd facebook situations, text message conversations in the 3rd person, strange phone conversations, random emails people reaching out to me that I had all but decided to try and forget about. Talk about drudging up some emotions. And its all been from a variety of sources from a variety of past lives.
Some things, in my life I didn't get the chance to deal with because I had to make such rushed decisions so quickly; and so I skimmed the surface of dissecting them, made an emotional call on how I felt about it and quickly put it into a little box to be opened later when I had time to deal with it. I guess it was me prioritizing what needed to be dealt with at the time. And then as a lot of time has passed, I just sort of decided to NEVER open that emotional box because it meant... sort of reliving it. And, I felt like, truly, that I wouldn't ever need to open that box. INCORRECT. This week, due to some new information, and some unexpected connections I was forced to open up and start sifting through some "stuff" that I'd otherwise ignored. We're talking about years of... stuff, that lead to other stuff and so on and so forth. If I were to explain the exact situation on here, it would make no sense to you, because its not that big of a deal. But the truth is, to me, it is a big deal. It doesn't have to be a big deal to you at all.
I think when it comes to revisiting your past, sometimes you find out new information that changes how you see it. There is this quote from Grey's Anatomy that goes like this:
"When we're headed toward an outcome thats too horrible to face, thats when we go looking for a second opinion. And sometimes the answer we get just confirms our worst fears. But sometimes it can shed new light on the problem... make you see it in a whole new way. After all the opinions have been heard, and every point of view has been considered you finally find what you were after; the truth. But the truth isn't where it ends, thats just where you begin again... with a whole NEW set of questions"
Which is pretty much where I am now. I have many more questions than I did before. The good news is, I am able to sort through it all a lot easier than I thought I would. But its just the beginning. So the whole strong and steady thing I got going on right now is, as always, subject to change. I think this is good though. It might suck for a while, but I am going to get to the bottom of all of this... nonsensical arguing with people who just are... misinformed. Plus, who knows... maybe I'll find out how incredibly awesome I really am, and that I am not as crazy as I was made out to be/feel. Years of foundation have got me to where I am now.... so we'll see. And for all of you who love to assume, if you think you have any clue as to what I'm talking about, you're probably wrong. Given that this really applies to more than one scenario, think twice before you spout off about how this is about my "baby daddy" or my 15 year old boy friend (reference to previous blog... i get jokes).
Okay, enough with the vague, moving on..
Tomorrow, I am going to finish tearing down the wallpaper in my living room, and possibly start painting the half wall, and maybe the rest too; it really depends on how much paint I go through before I run out. Then, I will pick out my bed/mattress and order it. I will also send out my letters of intent to the appropriate people, and if weather allows, some yard work. I know, SUPER ambitious. But since Wine Fest is this weekend, and then FOOTBALL on Sunday, I gotta make sure I get everything done NOW. :)
So this is where I am, and what I've been doing. I haven't been as busy as I'd like to be, but thats truly on me. I'm hoping that now that I'm a little more settled in my apartment, and my anxiety has calmed down, I'm feeling better. My day and night have almost reversed themselves again, but I think thats partly due to the fact that I haven't really had a set schedule in months. I personally, have this to be a luxury.
I'm feeling more positive lately. Don't get me wrong, I'm more cynical and critical of things than I ever have been in my life (do not mistake that for judgmental....).But I've been working towards goals (read: finding work) and trying to give myself some "me" time which is something I have a tendency of sacrificing when I'm busy. I'm looking forward to the weekends ahead; Wine Fest, ravens, beerfest, ravens/collegiate festival, justin and kelly's wedding, ravens etc etc... Its gonna be a great fall.
I'm going to try to make blogging something that I do more of. I am looking into vlogging too, because, well I am sort of in love with Jenna Marbles. And I feel like I have a lot to offer the world, and as I said when I started blogging again... this is sort of an insight to one persons RIDICULOUSLY NONSENSICAL life. Who knows, maybe I'll start being ridiculously funny and get famous.
Anyway, this is a very pedestrian, rambling sort of post. I thought I'd step off my musing soapbox for a bit and ramble, and talk about boring mundane things for once. Rather than post a hate blog, or snobby thoughts on life... I thought I'd just stumble through the latest events, in a non-important uninteresting kind of way.
I hope all of you people are doing alright out there, chances are if you're reading this, I miss you. So, all of you people that I miss (if you're not sure, take your index finger, make a pointing gesture, and point to yourself, if you are capable of doing that.... I mean you)... shoot me an email or a facebook message telling me about YOU and how YOU are doing. Cuz, I love ya. All of you crazy-ass people. Yes, especially you. Oh and hey... you should even let me know what you want my next blog to be about, most of you people are brilliant in your own way... i think...
annnnd I'm rambling, because its almost 4am. I love you all...
I'm not sick, but I'm not well... (shut up, I really love that song!)
~flave
Comments
Post a Comment