"I was a healthy young man, and I thought I was invincible..."

 "I was a healthy young man, and I thought I was invincible before I was diagnosed with kidney disease." -- Sean Elliot

I have hesitated to write this blog for almost a year. There are many reasons as to why that is, but the over all feeling was that I would not be able to do this person justice. And so I moved this "task" on google calendar from week to week for about a year until now.

It seems almost silly to post about it now, or at least it WOULD seem silly without understanding the subject matter. But I have to tell you, its not silly at all

This person came to me at the beginning of March 2016 after having known him for about 10 years (holy crap, is that true?!?) asking me to photograph him. Yep, thats right. I said HIM. At the beginning of the conversation I thought he might be pulling my long legs because it was NOT the first time some guy on my friends list had asked me to photograph them. And in most situations there was always this air of insincerity with their joker attitude, which I always appreciated, but also always knew was a dead end conversation. But this person? This particular man? Well, he approached the conversation from the get-go with integrity and honesty.

I have known him since his rookie year in drum corps (Reading Buccaneers, respect). Its funny to think about how much has passed since that first season. I know we've talked each other off multiple ledges and heartbreaks, while also celebrating our victories. And allll the dirty jokes. Even just the past year this person was questioned about whether or not he was "seeing" me (no, peanut gallery, we were/are not). This person even with all of our shenanigans has always been a person of great character. And I knew that upon meeting him that first year at corps.

And he has never given me a reason to waiver from that initial impression. He is an intellectual. He is loyal and sincere even when the spotlight isn't on him. He is a man of great strength and kindness. He works incredibly hard to keep his life as normal as possible given that part of his body are literally failing him.

You read that correctly. Kidney failure

I would love to go through all of the ins and outs here, but honestly even though I've talked with him about this really tough journey a lot, I am still not well versed enough to talk about it with any sort of authority. But here's what I know. This has been a part of his life for a very long time. Dialysis really sucks. Rejecting a donated kidney also sucks. But Phil (finally revealing the name), has never ever let it beat him down. Even in moments where I believe most people would have curled up and said "nope", he has met the challenges by continuing to push forward through working and participating in drum corps (in many different positions). He really amazes me.

So when he asked me if I would photograph him I was incredibly honored. It honored me.

And then when he told me that he wanted to do this was because March is National Kidney Month and he "wanted to show that the face of Kidney failure isn't one of weakness, its one of strength", and that he didn't want to shy away from his scars or catheter, because its all a part of him. My chest welled up with pride. What a wonderful thing! What an amazing and incredible idea! YES. LETS PLEASE DO THIS. NOW.

So a week or so later, he came, brought a suit case full of things, and we embarked on the most inspirational shoot I had ever had. It was so incredibly fun! And of course I got him on the bed ;)

I will let the images speak for themselves from here on out, though.

It just goes to show that boudoir and/or portraits are for everyone. And they make such a difference is reminding yourself who you are; the embodiment of strength. Even looking at these images that I took a year ago (and my style has changed significantly), I still look back on these and I still have so much pride in the images and the significance behind them. Not on my behalf, but on his.

What came through my mind over and over was "This is so special.". And it is. It truly is. Phil is one of the most wonderful people I have ever come across, and it still gets me emotional to think that I was able to be the person that he experienced this shoot with. And I think the images are not only smokin hot, but also a wonderful reminder of the strength in his spirit.

Here's to you, Phil. My dear forever friend. You are an inspiration. <3

Go forth and be awesome,
~mflave



P.s Please consider learning more about Kidney disease and how you can help those living with it. <3  If you're looking for more information, The National Kidney Foundation is a great resource and has information on how to donate, news, and events in your area promoting health and awareness. Dialysis Patients Citizens is another wonderful organization led by kidney patients! <3 and of COURSE if you can, be a donor! It could save a life! <3