Dr. Flaves not so horrible not so sing along resolutions blog
At the end of each year, every business owner, parent, student, married person, single person... Okay, pretty much EVERYONE writes their 2016 retrospective, or at least, talks about it. Its a good topic, its worth having, but I find it a little exhausting. For one, it seems disingenuous to me. Maybe its because I'm constantly taking stock my life, but the fact that the calendar year rolls over has little barring on "new year new me" for my own life.
I will say though, I find it really awesome, and empowering, and heartfelt that resolutions have sort of fallen to the way side in favor of just feeling more positive about life in general in the coming year. While the new calendar year is only precisely that, a new calendar year, and nothing really changes between 11:59pm and 12:00am, I like that it instills a little bit of hope into people.
For me, my year begins in late August and ends in mid June. The summer is sort of like a recess wherein I get to own my own time, and make decisions a little more freely. So its August where I find myself making my own personal resolutions, so to speak.
The issue I have with this whole "personal transition" thing is NOT that people are bettering themselves, or wanting to. I think thats great. And I'm not even passing judgement on the timing, (although if you see a problem, why wait till the 1st?). For me, its more the constant bravado of it all. There's no plan in place; like, okay HOW do you plan to do eat better? what does "eat better" mean to you? Thats
I feel like people write these big long blog posts for the sole purpose of either obligation, OR so that they can read it next year and think "oh my god, look how far I've come." Which, isn't a bad thing, but if thats ALL it is, it does not seem heartfelt to me. Not to mention you can't really... put rose colored glasses on any more with your year/life. Facebook timeline makes it abundantly clear how much progress you made or didn't in the past year... or 5. So, save yourself the guilt to revamp yourself, and instead focus on what you're doing to help the revamp.
Its not that I frown upon looking toward the future, or wanting to take the next steps. Its that I want you to do it! Do it! Do it every day! All the time! But it just seems, less authentic when its on a bandwagon, doesn't it?
So, by all means, go kick ass. Post about it, go to the gym, get the clients, walk more, take the kids out more, sleep more, eat better, date more, save more money, invest in yourself however you want. But, check back in on that in June, and see how those goals are coming. I think, you'll find, that the new energy you felt pushing you over the calendar hump has burned out a bit. And I don't want that for you. I want you to invest in yourself because you're worth it. I want you to invest in yourself monthly weekly... DAILY. Set yourself up for success.
So instead of these in sane goals that you know will be hard, and almost impossible, I am going to set myself up for success. I am give you my goals for 2017, ones that are small and yet still progress, and I will call them, "2017 resolutions that fucking matter (to me)"
1) I am going to make a very real effort to have play time with the kids ( for those not in the know, I nanny). We're in a transition period right now with one in full time Kindergarten, and one in part time pre pre K. I want to set them up as well as I can, teaching them how to play, and when to enjoy the quiet. And how to take responsibility and how to be responsible. Being their primary care person during the week is a really fucking hard job, and I think sometimes I have a lot of (psuedo mommy) guilt about feeling like I'm not showing them my fun side enough. I will play more often.
2) establish boundaries. And this applies to so much of my life. I did a lot of this already in the last part of 2016. I plan on continuing. This sounds vague. So lets say this. I will set business hours. And I will abide to my working hours as much as my off hours. Even though I work from home. This ties into #1 above. This also means in my personal life. Its okay to say no. Especially if you don't want to. Friendship/family should not be an obligation. And while being helpful is important, its also important to not feel like you're suffocating because you're helping/wanting to help too much. You cannot pour from an empty cup. <3
This also includes, saying "thank you" much more often. Because its also important to let people know that they have helped you, and that they are appreciated. It ties in with the boundaries thing, because its important to know when people haven't crossed them too. Letting someone know their still making you feel comfortable and safe and loved is just as important, if not more important, as letting them know when they're not.
3) I want to have more clients this year. I'm not going to put a number on it (although I do have a lofty goal in mind). But I want more butts in seats... err... bed ;). I don't want to be crazy over worked (a la spring 2016... ew). But I want to help as many women (or men... whatevs), rediscover their power and worth and importance. I want to help more people fall in love with themselves. I want to help. In any way can, the most people that I can <3
4) Some more financial freedom. This is a rather simple concept, I know. But I do not have the financial freedom that I really do crave at this point in my life. And so, I will be working towards that. I will be saving more. I will be making deliberate decisions to move onwards and upwards (remaining vague on this as to not bore you with the details, but I'm more than willing to show you my 10 pages of notes on the subject ;) )!!
6) Making my bed daily. Its so simple. It takes 15 seconds.
7) picking out clothes ahead of time. This may mean changing from one pair of sweatpants to another, though ;)
8) working out. Yeah yeah. everyone says this. I don't want to go super intense, as my injuries are still very real, but a few minutes of stretching on days that I hurt will do wonders for me in the long run, I know this.
9) Daily schedules. I have the kids on a good one, one that I worked VERY hard to tailor and make work for us, But I am not in one. And a lot of this is because I fight it. I have this fear of being pinned down and becoming an A type who is too rigid to break away from her schedule. Its a weird and sort of silly fear, honestly, I have to stop letting the fear of getting boxed in stop me from establishing a good routing for myself.
10) read more. This is also one of those vague things, and its hard to find the time, and I'm not sure exactly how I want to make this a reality yet, but perhaps this will start by oh, I dunno... READING SOME OF THE MILLION TABS I HAVE OPEN IN GOOGLE CHROME. So lets start there. And lets say, I'll read the Harry Potter series this year. And maybe some Amy Schumer ;)
So there are some "2017 resolutions that fucking matter (to me)". I have a plan. I think the key to success of anything is to set yourself up for success (drum corps mantra). I think people say things like "i'm gonna loose eleventy hundred lbs", and while that might be a wonderful goal, there's no real plan in effect to MAKE that happen (like, go to the gym 3 times week). Small, attainable goals that you achieve every day will make bigger changes than you think. I spent a lot of 2015 thinking and contemplating, I spent a lot of 2016 trying things out that scared me but also taking the time to learn. I plan on making 2017 a year where I am productive with a purpose, where I am helpful and connected, where I am nourishing myself and benefiting the loves of my life. And more importantly, putting light and love out into the world more often than not.
And I will start that, by making my bed every day ;)
Keep on keepin on, rockstars.
yours in flavorfulness,
~mflave
I will say though, I find it really awesome, and empowering, and heartfelt that resolutions have sort of fallen to the way side in favor of just feeling more positive about life in general in the coming year. While the new calendar year is only precisely that, a new calendar year, and nothing really changes between 11:59pm and 12:00am, I like that it instills a little bit of hope into people.
For me, my year begins in late August and ends in mid June. The summer is sort of like a recess wherein I get to own my own time, and make decisions a little more freely. So its August where I find myself making my own personal resolutions, so to speak.
The issue I have with this whole "personal transition" thing is NOT that people are bettering themselves, or wanting to. I think thats great. And I'm not even passing judgement on the timing, (although if you see a problem, why wait till the 1st?). For me, its more the constant bravado of it all. There's no plan in place; like, okay HOW do you plan to do eat better? what does "eat better" mean to you? Thats
I feel like people write these big long blog posts for the sole purpose of either obligation, OR so that they can read it next year and think "oh my god, look how far I've come." Which, isn't a bad thing, but if thats ALL it is, it does not seem heartfelt to me. Not to mention you can't really... put rose colored glasses on any more with your year/life. Facebook timeline makes it abundantly clear how much progress you made or didn't in the past year... or 5. So, save yourself the guilt to revamp yourself, and instead focus on what you're doing to help the revamp.
Its not that I frown upon looking toward the future, or wanting to take the next steps. Its that I want you to do it! Do it! Do it every day! All the time! But it just seems, less authentic when its on a bandwagon, doesn't it?
So, by all means, go kick ass. Post about it, go to the gym, get the clients, walk more, take the kids out more, sleep more, eat better, date more, save more money, invest in yourself however you want. But, check back in on that in June, and see how those goals are coming. I think, you'll find, that the new energy you felt pushing you over the calendar hump has burned out a bit. And I don't want that for you. I want you to invest in yourself because you're worth it. I want you to invest in yourself monthly weekly... DAILY. Set yourself up for success.
So instead of these in sane goals that you know will be hard, and almost impossible, I am going to set myself up for success. I am give you my goals for 2017, ones that are small and yet still progress, and I will call them, "2017 resolutions that fucking matter (to me)"
2017 Resolutions that Fucking Matter (to me)
1) I am going to make a very real effort to have play time with the kids ( for those not in the know, I nanny). We're in a transition period right now with one in full time Kindergarten, and one in part time pre pre K. I want to set them up as well as I can, teaching them how to play, and when to enjoy the quiet. And how to take responsibility and how to be responsible. Being their primary care person during the week is a really fucking hard job, and I think sometimes I have a lot of (psuedo mommy) guilt about feeling like I'm not showing them my fun side enough. I will play more often.
2) establish boundaries. And this applies to so much of my life. I did a lot of this already in the last part of 2016. I plan on continuing. This sounds vague. So lets say this. I will set business hours. And I will abide to my working hours as much as my off hours. Even though I work from home. This ties into #1 above. This also means in my personal life. Its okay to say no. Especially if you don't want to. Friendship/family should not be an obligation. And while being helpful is important, its also important to not feel like you're suffocating because you're helping/wanting to help too much. You cannot pour from an empty cup. <3
This also includes, saying "thank you" much more often. Because its also important to let people know that they have helped you, and that they are appreciated. It ties in with the boundaries thing, because its important to know when people haven't crossed them too. Letting someone know their still making you feel comfortable and safe and loved is just as important, if not more important, as letting them know when they're not.
4) Some more financial freedom. This is a rather simple concept, I know. But I do not have the financial freedom that I really do crave at this point in my life. And so, I will be working towards that. I will be saving more. I will be making deliberate decisions to move onwards and upwards (remaining vague on this as to not bore you with the details, but I'm more than willing to show you my 10 pages of notes on the subject ;) )!!
5) Responding to messages faster. I got into a bad habit when I didn't have a phone about not getting back to people right away, and it was easy, because I didn't have a phone. But now? I do. No excuses, flave. Pull it together.
6) Making my bed daily. Its so simple. It takes 15 seconds.
7) picking out clothes ahead of time. This may mean changing from one pair of sweatpants to another, though ;)
8) working out. Yeah yeah. everyone says this. I don't want to go super intense, as my injuries are still very real, but a few minutes of stretching on days that I hurt will do wonders for me in the long run, I know this.
9) Daily schedules. I have the kids on a good one, one that I worked VERY hard to tailor and make work for us, But I am not in one. And a lot of this is because I fight it. I have this fear of being pinned down and becoming an A type who is too rigid to break away from her schedule. Its a weird and sort of silly fear, honestly, I have to stop letting the fear of getting boxed in stop me from establishing a good routing for myself.
10) read more. This is also one of those vague things, and its hard to find the time, and I'm not sure exactly how I want to make this a reality yet, but perhaps this will start by oh, I dunno... READING SOME OF THE MILLION TABS I HAVE OPEN IN GOOGLE CHROME. So lets start there. And lets say, I'll read the Harry Potter series this year. And maybe some Amy Schumer ;)
So there are some "2017 resolutions that fucking matter (to me)". I have a plan. I think the key to success of anything is to set yourself up for success (drum corps mantra). I think people say things like "i'm gonna loose eleventy hundred lbs", and while that might be a wonderful goal, there's no real plan in effect to MAKE that happen (like, go to the gym 3 times week). Small, attainable goals that you achieve every day will make bigger changes than you think. I spent a lot of 2015 thinking and contemplating, I spent a lot of 2016 trying things out that scared me but also taking the time to learn. I plan on making 2017 a year where I am productive with a purpose, where I am helpful and connected, where I am nourishing myself and benefiting the loves of my life. And more importantly, putting light and love out into the world more often than not.
And I will start that, by making my bed every day ;)
Keep on keepin on, rockstars.
yours in flavorfulness,
~mflave
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