"My acres of a land, that I've achieved...
It may be hard for you to stop and believe."
I have started and stopped and saved and unfinished about elevnty billion blogs since my last post. Some have been about my bi polar and my recent and intriguing developments science has uncovered for me. Some have been about my month long photography challenge (which, btw it totally was a challenge). Some of it was just me being a nannyflave, or me complaining about how everything in our house has decided to fall apart in the last 6 months (even our brand new dishwasher started being a giantbagofdicks today). But I never finished a single blog in that time period, until now.
I have started and stopped and saved and unfinished about elevnty billion blogs since my last post. Some have been about my bi polar and my recent and intriguing developments science has uncovered for me. Some have been about my month long photography challenge (which, btw it totally was a challenge). Some of it was just me being a nannyflave, or me complaining about how everything in our house has decided to fall apart in the last 6 months (even our brand new dishwasher started being a giantbagofdicks today). But I never finished a single blog in that time period, until now.
So. I’m in the van right now. We’re so high tech that I can
sit in the back of a van (front of the van sucks!!! ;) ) and be connected to a
hot spot, while we’re whizzing down some high way (admittedly I have no idea
actually where we are at the moment) at 70mph in a vehicle that basically is
essentially lounge chairs, surrounded by a billion safety features, each kid
has the ability (but not necessarily making the choice to utilize) their own
technology to keep themselves engaged,
while I sit here and blog to you.
And all I am thinking is “wow, this really bright back light from this laptop is hurting my eyes”
Talk about serious high class problems I got going on.
Anyway, I’m not entirely sure where this is going to go, because the original blog I had… well I don’t really have direct access to until I get to a better connection (again… first world problems).
Its amazing isn’t? the things we complain about. Theres a skit that Louis C.K where he says “Everything is amazing, and no one is happy”.
However… comma… I am very happy! I’m just… this light hurts! And I am blind to begin with anyway. Literally. If line of people stood in front of me and I was not wearing my contacts I swear to you I would not be able to tell the males from the females, or where one body stopped and one body started. Its pretty bad. I can’t wait until I’m older and senile and convinced that I have good vision. That’s going to be a hilarious time for everyone around me ;)
Anyway, I guess I’m blogging cuz I wanted to experiment how powerful our van is, and if I could blog (or edit) during long road trips. Turns out I can!
Speaking of experimenting (see what I did there? Obvious segue for the win!), I’ve found myself experimenting a lot lately, which is basically what I was hoping this year would allow me to do. I’d say that most of my experimenting has been in… trusting myself to do… whatever it is I’m doing. Whether that the be adjusting the dryer vent, DIYing a softbox, taking inspired pictures of ordinary things, allowing myself to let go, taking chances with new people and learning to really let in the people around me. That’s some next level shit right there.
Sometimes its so hard to really just… be yourself entirely. Sometimes, the biggest chance you can take is to just “be”.
I’ve never ever been criticized as being a poser or a wanna be or a copy of anyone else (except once, but I don’t worry about that. Isolated situations lead to isolated situations). I’m quite honestly an original. And I’m proud to be. But I am finding that as I get older that the original I was at 10 years ago, or even 5, or 3, or even just last year, is not the same original as I am now. I’m stronger. I’m bolder. I’m more broken in some places, but I’m also fierce.
The problem with change (within yourself) sometimes, is that you like who you are in that moment (or many moments). So when you find yourself moving away from who you used to be, someone you have grown very attached to, it feels foreign. And you’re constantly questioning why is you’re changing if you liked where you were to being with.
Well the answer is simple.
You are not stagnant. You are not a still pond.
You are a god damn stream that carves its ways through forest and fields, and towns and creates life around it. You are fluid. You are moving. You will never be still for too long because, you are forever changing and growing, and therefore everything around you will also be fluid and change and grow. That… is the basis of so much life.
And all I am thinking is “wow, this really bright back light from this laptop is hurting my eyes”
Talk about serious high class problems I got going on.
Anyway, I’m not entirely sure where this is going to go, because the original blog I had… well I don’t really have direct access to until I get to a better connection (again… first world problems).
Its amazing isn’t? the things we complain about. Theres a skit that Louis C.K where he says “Everything is amazing, and no one is happy”.
However… comma… I am very happy! I’m just… this light hurts! And I am blind to begin with anyway. Literally. If line of people stood in front of me and I was not wearing my contacts I swear to you I would not be able to tell the males from the females, or where one body stopped and one body started. Its pretty bad. I can’t wait until I’m older and senile and convinced that I have good vision. That’s going to be a hilarious time for everyone around me ;)
Anyway, I guess I’m blogging cuz I wanted to experiment how powerful our van is, and if I could blog (or edit) during long road trips. Turns out I can!
Speaking of experimenting (see what I did there? Obvious segue for the win!), I’ve found myself experimenting a lot lately, which is basically what I was hoping this year would allow me to do. I’d say that most of my experimenting has been in… trusting myself to do… whatever it is I’m doing. Whether that the be adjusting the dryer vent, DIYing a softbox, taking inspired pictures of ordinary things, allowing myself to let go, taking chances with new people and learning to really let in the people around me. That’s some next level shit right there.
Sometimes its so hard to really just… be yourself entirely. Sometimes, the biggest chance you can take is to just “be”.
I’ve never ever been criticized as being a poser or a wanna be or a copy of anyone else (except once, but I don’t worry about that. Isolated situations lead to isolated situations). I’m quite honestly an original. And I’m proud to be. But I am finding that as I get older that the original I was at 10 years ago, or even 5, or 3, or even just last year, is not the same original as I am now. I’m stronger. I’m bolder. I’m more broken in some places, but I’m also fierce.
The problem with change (within yourself) sometimes, is that you like who you are in that moment (or many moments). So when you find yourself moving away from who you used to be, someone you have grown very attached to, it feels foreign. And you’re constantly questioning why is you’re changing if you liked where you were to being with.
Well the answer is simple.
You are not stagnant. You are not a still pond.
You are a god damn stream that carves its ways through forest and fields, and towns and creates life around it. You are fluid. You are moving. You will never be still for too long because, you are forever changing and growing, and therefore everything around you will also be fluid and change and grow. That… is the basis of so much life.
Of course there are your mainstays. The people you choose to
be in your life, the things your surround yourself with that you will remain
loyal to even throughout the movement of your life. But that movement is what
drives it.
For me, right now I’m living in that sort of dichotomy. I’ve been living in the same place for longer than I have my entire adult life prior to this: Stability. But I’ve been craving something more than the nest I’ve built: Change.
I’ve talked a bit about my photography journey and how I have no idea where it will lead me. For instance: one of my best friends just shot me a message about how his hobbyist camera ways landed him an offer to tour as a photographer with a band. All because he showed up to a music venue often enough, and showed a legitimate interest in their craft… and BOOM. How cool is life that way?
Anyway, I’m all about this right now. I mentioned how I did a month long photography challenge, yeah? I haven’t posted a lot of images from that challenge because I felt like the world didn’t need to see some of my total epic failures, and there were many. Sometimes, I'd have a thought like "oh, here's this toilet paper roll... lets make some photographic art!" but then it wouldn't turn out the way that I wanted to. I spent about 45 minutes on this session with a toilet paper roll and still never got the shot I was looking for. So... I "gave up". I prefer to think of it as "letting it go". If I couldn't get what I wanted to happen, shooting it from every angle is not going to fix it. I need to take a step back and figure out with clarity what I'm trying to do, and revisit when I am more able. I think sometimes, you just have to realize when you're trying to hard to make "fetch" happen (hat tip mean girls).
So yeah... I’ve been spending a lot of time with my camera (named “hug” btw. Yes I let Amelia name it "hug". Judge me.). And its been both humbling and awesome.
Anyway here's a few (keep scrolling if you don't like zen):
No theme here, I just thought it was pretty ;)
I did an open call a few days ago because I am starting to get a little more comfy with the technology aspects (I’m no savant, but I’m making strides), and I’d like to incorporate someone other than the kids in front of the lens (although, who could be more perfect? I maintain that no one can be as beautiful as those two… but I’m a littttttle bias).
I’m excited for the people who contacted me both on that status and through messages. While I admit I am a little nervous, because trying anything new IS a little nervewracking, its very much masked by how excited I am that so many people in my life are also willing to take this journey with me and are supporting me both in front of and behind the lens. Its invigorating. I’m SO excited by this this new step that while on vacation, I’ll be trying to set up times with everyone who expressed an interest in a session with me (and please, by all means, I’m always accepting more ladies who want to join in! I’m in. message me!) so that we can really get this party started.
And as I typed that, my heart fluttered a little.
That’s how I know my life is going in a good way. The butterflies.
Well this blog kind of turned a little more photography oriented than I anticipated. I suppose that’s because that’s whats been in my heart lately. Well that… and summer lovin. Or lovin summer. Jury’s still out on that one
Taters gonna potate, haters gon hate, but Flavahs always gonna Flave.
God forth and be awesome.
flave
For me, right now I’m living in that sort of dichotomy. I’ve been living in the same place for longer than I have my entire adult life prior to this: Stability. But I’ve been craving something more than the nest I’ve built: Change.
I’ve talked a bit about my photography journey and how I have no idea where it will lead me. For instance: one of my best friends just shot me a message about how his hobbyist camera ways landed him an offer to tour as a photographer with a band. All because he showed up to a music venue often enough, and showed a legitimate interest in their craft… and BOOM. How cool is life that way?
Anyway, I’m all about this right now. I mentioned how I did a month long photography challenge, yeah? I haven’t posted a lot of images from that challenge because I felt like the world didn’t need to see some of my total epic failures, and there were many. Sometimes, I'd have a thought like "oh, here's this toilet paper roll... lets make some photographic art!" but then it wouldn't turn out the way that I wanted to. I spent about 45 minutes on this session with a toilet paper roll and still never got the shot I was looking for. So... I "gave up". I prefer to think of it as "letting it go". If I couldn't get what I wanted to happen, shooting it from every angle is not going to fix it. I need to take a step back and figure out with clarity what I'm trying to do, and revisit when I am more able. I think sometimes, you just have to realize when you're trying to hard to make "fetch" happen (hat tip mean girls).
So yeah... I’ve been spending a lot of time with my camera (named “hug” btw. Yes I let Amelia name it "hug". Judge me.). And its been both humbling and awesome.
Anyway here's a few (keep scrolling if you don't like zen):
Theme: simple beauty
Theme: broken (this is an inside joke for my fRamily this is the part of the dishwasher that helene broke ;) )
Theme: Vibrant
Theme: Angles
Theme: Nature
Theme: decay
No theme here, I just thought it was pretty ;)
Theme Natural curves
Theme: Ascension
So those are a few snapshots from my challenge days. The more interesting and fun ones warrant a much more extensive post, rather than just a breezethru.
I did an open call a few days ago because I am starting to get a little more comfy with the technology aspects (I’m no savant, but I’m making strides), and I’d like to incorporate someone other than the kids in front of the lens (although, who could be more perfect? I maintain that no one can be as beautiful as those two… but I’m a littttttle bias).
I’m excited for the people who contacted me both on that status and through messages. While I admit I am a little nervous, because trying anything new IS a little nervewracking, its very much masked by how excited I am that so many people in my life are also willing to take this journey with me and are supporting me both in front of and behind the lens. Its invigorating. I’m SO excited by this this new step that while on vacation, I’ll be trying to set up times with everyone who expressed an interest in a session with me (and please, by all means, I’m always accepting more ladies who want to join in! I’m in. message me!) so that we can really get this party started.
And as I typed that, my heart fluttered a little.
That’s how I know my life is going in a good way. The butterflies.
Well this blog kind of turned a little more photography oriented than I anticipated. I suppose that’s because that’s whats been in my heart lately. Well that… and summer lovin. Or lovin summer. Jury’s still out on that one
Taters gonna potate, haters gon hate, but Flavahs always gonna Flave.
God forth and be awesome.
flave
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