"I'm kind of over getting told to throw my hands up in the air...
... so there!"
I feel like I've been in a serious state of transition lately. I feel like I've sort of been hinting (okay maybe not hinting) at that lately.
I feel like I'm at the beginning of something and I'm just not quite sure what yet. Or how its all going to evolve.
My current life/living situation has me pretty primed and ready to build something great for myself business wise, if thats something I wanted to do. I've got a very large living space that is pretty much just mine. I don't know how to math, so I am not going to estimate its size (women are bad at that anyway, probably because we are constantly lied to about what 8 inches looks like ;) ). I don't have a lot of debt; no loans or anything, or car payments. I don't even have rent. So anything that I were to make on my own, would solely be going to paying off my overdraft fees to bank of america (oops), and then... all mine! Not to mention, my housemates are so frakking wonderful and supportive... I'm lucky. So it would seem, that aside from my crazy nanny hours during the week, the world is sort of my oyster. I'm not saying I'm trying to start a business or anything, but the idea intrigues me. And I do know a little about the (very) basics because of all the class I've taken and the little experience I gained in a previous life.
But anyway, thats not really the point. The point is that I feel like as if I could/can really do anything I want. Nothing is really holding me back... I'm at this starting point. Its really exciting and invigorating. I feel like I'm searching for things outside myself and within other people and other things around me and it has really re-energized me. And, if we're being honest, a lot of that has to do with my camera (sorry to say it, actually. because the last thing I'm trying to do here is stir up issues for the stalkerazzi, but... its been really nice playing around). I am not sure that I could say that this feeling focused me at all, but this feeling has definitely kept me on my toes, and it feels really good. At least... it has been.
Up until last week.
So here is a story about how good intentions turned into stressful situations for the mflave.
A few weeks ago, back when the weather was still weathering in the worst way, I was asked to bring my camera to a baby shower for one of my closest friends (and essentially sister) to take pictures. Just for fun, and really I wanted to do it anyway because I love D so much that I wanted to make sure that she had lasting memories of the event to share with her family and friends and even her babies when they're older.
The shower was being held at a friends house in the woods, and of course this is in the middle of an ice storm, so its just... really gross out. But if you're going to be somewhere during a snow and ice storm, the Mckemy's house is it. Its nestled on a winding road with trees that have grown so tall that you cannot see the sky when they're in full green. I love their house. Its so pretty.
This is about where the positive aspects of this experience/saga ends (i say this partially in jest). First of all, as someone who is incredibly new at this photography thing... taking pictures for someone you really love is sort of intimidating. Because you want it all to be right and perfect, because you're invested in your "client". This is particularly difficult when you are not in control the environment in the least. The Mckemy manor is absolutely beautiful. I love it. It has these huge windows and this old world meets new world lay out with exposed beams and this ginormous deck that encompasses almost the entire back yard, has a fire pit and woods (and even has a goat soundtrack from the neighbors). Its probably my favorite house of all of my friends, honestly. But when it comes to taking pictures? its dark. Its very dark. But god damnit, I was committed to this, can't back down now! So, took my lens cap off, went for broke and set it to manual (eek!) and... prayed to god I was a fast learner!
All of the guests were wonderful, most of whom I actually knew... obviously. So they were very sweet to make sure that I had space, and had no problem asking me to get shots that were important to them. Awesome! And Denise just looked stunning! She had this beautiful fascinator in her hair that complimented her braids so nicely. She wore this intricate and feminine blue lace shirt that accented her baby belly and... well... she was positively radiant. Taking pictures of someone that happy and beautiful inside and out is easy!
Looking at the back of my camera, I was pretty pleased with the results, considering that I was flying by the seat of my pants. Look at me! I thought to myself. I'm shooting manual, and not just shooting pictures of trees! and, look how fancy I am! I'm also shooting in RAW. Because, I learned why thats important (I won't bore you with those details here right now lol). At the end of the day I was feeling really happy and accomplished. And not only that I actually had a wonderful time just being a guest for a while too. It was a great day!
I got a message later that night from a family member of D's asking me if I would be willing to send her some images for a memory book that she was creating! Well, of COURSE! YES. I gave her the run down of about how long it would take me to go through 398 images (because, of COURSE I took that many... I'm a rookie), select the best ones and edit them... yada yada... And that I would do my best to get them to her sooner than the "normal" two week deadline I normally set up for myself. because I loved D and was personally invested in the project.
Except I forgot one cute thing. Technology don't care. Technology don't care what your deadlines are, or how important or significant your projects are. If it wants to crash, not boot or die... its going to do just that.
My personal laptop has been struggling to do that whole "stay charged" thing for a while. It is apparently a thing that happens a lot with that model, but it probably didn't help matters when it was chucked across a room by a toddler either... so I've been buying replacement batteries and chargers every few months as a stop gap until I can afford either REALLY fix it, or get a new machine.
So I put off going through all the images of the shower because I knew what a hassle it was going to be to get all of this organized, and at the time due to all of the sickness in the house, I just did not have the mental or even physical energy to battle with those logistics... so I procrastinated. For a very very long time. Which, is probably one of my biggest flaws. I'm an avoider. I will say though, to my credit, a big part of why I waited so long to handle this situation is because of how sick EVERYONE was in this house, for a month. It was an effort just to get through the day sometimes, and when I did, all I had the mental energy for was netflix ("I'm Chuck Bass") .
Anyway, that broken puter is the the puter with photoshop on it. Which I forgot about during this process. When I remembered, I went on to amazon to buy a new battery/charger but that came riddled with issues since I share an amazon prime account with my housemates, I am not the only one adding to the cart and such, so when I went to check out, it wanted me to buy everything in the queue... uhh. no. I am not spending a hundy right now, thanks though. SO then I logged into my OWN account (without prime) and realized oh yeah the credits I have here aren't exactly valid right now (long story...), well this is becoming really complicated. Awesome. What am I gonna do now?
Okay, fine, I'll install lightroom on my loaner lap top so I can batch edit and if nothing else, get a few images to Missy and D right away.
Oh? whats that? YOU AREN'T GOING TO INSTALL? I literally tried about 7 times. It was a no go. And this happened to be one of those days where everything I touched fell or broke. My clock fell off the wall, my whiteboard calendar broke into pieces off the wall, I broke the only needed light bulb in a DIY soft box project I was trying to do, I stepped on a thumbtack, the dryer wasn't drying properly etc etc. But at this point in the day it was now "midnight", I had been reduced to tears at least twice and I was feeling really very guilty about not having this done already, for someone I loved so greatly.
So I googled what programs could/would open .cr2 files, and found an free windows 8 app that would do trick. Its now 1am at this point. It installed and I opened it up to see what the options were, expecting it to be basically a version of Paint only (all windows 95 style). But much to my surprise it had a LOT of options. There were the typical instagram type filters available to make images seem more "artsy fartsy" but it also had SOME ability (read; SOME) to refine and manipulate color and such. While this was really wonderful, I also knew that this would not give me the quality that I wanted to provide. So I slept on it before I started the process.
I woke up the next morning, determined. Because I knew if all of the elements were fighting against me, and I still managed to get some images that I was proud of... not only will I have given D some memories to share, but I will also have managed to have a teachable moment and figure out what to do when the worst happens. And have confidence that I can still manage to keep some semblance of quality to hand to my clients/friends/deity's.
Well, I spent the entire day trying to figure out this new... half ass program. And honestly, it surprised me! Given the amount of pictures I had selected I only had to toss a few out due to limits of said program. I ended up with about 64 edited images. And... well... going to toot my own horn a little bit here, but... given that entire world was conspiring against me to get this done...
I'd say I'm pretty pleased with myself.
Here's Denise. As radiant and loving as ever.
So what did I learn? Number A: I need to practice. A lot. And I like practicing, so thats a nice little bonus. Letter Two, I need to be better about NOT procrastinating on getting my technology fixed more timely, because you never ever know when you will need it to be reliable. And along those lines, its important to have back ups and a plan B, because life is unreliable and inconsistent at best and its important to be prepared with an arsenal of materials to combat any negative curve balls thrown at you. and Number C) I work incredibly well under pressure when there's a deadline to be met. THAT will certainly come in handy in the future. But lets just aim that from now on, I'll be able to not be up until 3am troubleshooting because technology failed me... but rather that I will have back ups, and solutions at the ready. Much less blood sweat and tears that way. ;) I also learned that in a dire situation I can pull it together with the resources I have. I'm a survivor on more than one level, apparently <3
Dear Denise,
Thank you for being a guinea pig client for worst case scenario scenario's as a faux-tographer. ;) Aside from it being an onslaught of teachable moments... I think the thing I'm most thankful for is having the experience in the first place. While all the technical issues were a pain, and seemingly insurmountable... it doesn't take anything away from how excited and happy I am for you and your family. You are one of the most kind and generous people I've ever met in my life and its truly and honor just to know you. I am so happy that our paths crossed once again as adults and that you've become such a force in my life; your soul is so genuine, I really believe that everyone in your life is better for having known you. I am so excited to see Patrick grow as a big brother, and I'm so excited that you and Brentyn have become parents of two! You all are so loved.
And on a personal note, I am excited to be a part of the journey, and to love on little lady S as much as you'll let me. ;)
I feel like I've been in a serious state of transition lately. I feel like I've sort of been hinting (okay maybe not hinting) at that lately.
I feel like I'm at the beginning of something and I'm just not quite sure what yet. Or how its all going to evolve.
My current life/living situation has me pretty primed and ready to build something great for myself business wise, if thats something I wanted to do. I've got a very large living space that is pretty much just mine. I don't know how to math, so I am not going to estimate its size (women are bad at that anyway, probably because we are constantly lied to about what 8 inches looks like ;) ). I don't have a lot of debt; no loans or anything, or car payments. I don't even have rent. So anything that I were to make on my own, would solely be going to paying off my overdraft fees to bank of america (oops), and then... all mine! Not to mention, my housemates are so frakking wonderful and supportive... I'm lucky. So it would seem, that aside from my crazy nanny hours during the week, the world is sort of my oyster. I'm not saying I'm trying to start a business or anything, but the idea intrigues me. And I do know a little about the (very) basics because of all the class I've taken and the little experience I gained in a previous life.
But anyway, thats not really the point. The point is that I feel like as if I could/can really do anything I want. Nothing is really holding me back... I'm at this starting point. Its really exciting and invigorating. I feel like I'm searching for things outside myself and within other people and other things around me and it has really re-energized me. And, if we're being honest, a lot of that has to do with my camera (sorry to say it, actually. because the last thing I'm trying to do here is stir up issues for the stalkerazzi, but... its been really nice playing around). I am not sure that I could say that this feeling focused me at all, but this feeling has definitely kept me on my toes, and it feels really good. At least... it has been.
Up until last week.
So here is a story about how good intentions turned into stressful situations for the mflave.
A few weeks ago, back when the weather was still weathering in the worst way, I was asked to bring my camera to a baby shower for one of my closest friends (and essentially sister) to take pictures. Just for fun, and really I wanted to do it anyway because I love D so much that I wanted to make sure that she had lasting memories of the event to share with her family and friends and even her babies when they're older.
The shower was being held at a friends house in the woods, and of course this is in the middle of an ice storm, so its just... really gross out. But if you're going to be somewhere during a snow and ice storm, the Mckemy's house is it. Its nestled on a winding road with trees that have grown so tall that you cannot see the sky when they're in full green. I love their house. Its so pretty.
This is about where the positive aspects of this experience/saga ends (i say this partially in jest). First of all, as someone who is incredibly new at this photography thing... taking pictures for someone you really love is sort of intimidating. Because you want it all to be right and perfect, because you're invested in your "client". This is particularly difficult when you are not in control the environment in the least. The Mckemy manor is absolutely beautiful. I love it. It has these huge windows and this old world meets new world lay out with exposed beams and this ginormous deck that encompasses almost the entire back yard, has a fire pit and woods (and even has a goat soundtrack from the neighbors). Its probably my favorite house of all of my friends, honestly. But when it comes to taking pictures? its dark. Its very dark. But god damnit, I was committed to this, can't back down now! So, took my lens cap off, went for broke and set it to manual (eek!) and... prayed to god I was a fast learner!
All of the guests were wonderful, most of whom I actually knew... obviously. So they were very sweet to make sure that I had space, and had no problem asking me to get shots that were important to them. Awesome! And Denise just looked stunning! She had this beautiful fascinator in her hair that complimented her braids so nicely. She wore this intricate and feminine blue lace shirt that accented her baby belly and... well... she was positively radiant. Taking pictures of someone that happy and beautiful inside and out is easy!
Looking at the back of my camera, I was pretty pleased with the results, considering that I was flying by the seat of my pants. Look at me! I thought to myself. I'm shooting manual, and not just shooting pictures of trees! and, look how fancy I am! I'm also shooting in RAW. Because, I learned why thats important (I won't bore you with those details here right now lol). At the end of the day I was feeling really happy and accomplished. And not only that I actually had a wonderful time just being a guest for a while too. It was a great day!
I got a message later that night from a family member of D's asking me if I would be willing to send her some images for a memory book that she was creating! Well, of COURSE! YES. I gave her the run down of about how long it would take me to go through 398 images (because, of COURSE I took that many... I'm a rookie), select the best ones and edit them... yada yada... And that I would do my best to get them to her sooner than the "normal" two week deadline I normally set up for myself. because I loved D and was personally invested in the project.
Except I forgot one cute thing. Technology don't care. Technology don't care what your deadlines are, or how important or significant your projects are. If it wants to crash, not boot or die... its going to do just that.
My personal laptop has been struggling to do that whole "stay charged" thing for a while. It is apparently a thing that happens a lot with that model, but it probably didn't help matters when it was chucked across a room by a toddler either... so I've been buying replacement batteries and chargers every few months as a stop gap until I can afford either REALLY fix it, or get a new machine.
So I put off going through all the images of the shower because I knew what a hassle it was going to be to get all of this organized, and at the time due to all of the sickness in the house, I just did not have the mental or even physical energy to battle with those logistics... so I procrastinated. For a very very long time. Which, is probably one of my biggest flaws. I'm an avoider. I will say though, to my credit, a big part of why I waited so long to handle this situation is because of how sick EVERYONE was in this house, for a month. It was an effort just to get through the day sometimes, and when I did, all I had the mental energy for was netflix ("I'm Chuck Bass") .
Anyway, that broken puter is the the puter with photoshop on it. Which I forgot about during this process. When I remembered, I went on to amazon to buy a new battery/charger but that came riddled with issues since I share an amazon prime account with my housemates, I am not the only one adding to the cart and such, so when I went to check out, it wanted me to buy everything in the queue... uhh. no. I am not spending a hundy right now, thanks though. SO then I logged into my OWN account (without prime) and realized oh yeah the credits I have here aren't exactly valid right now (long story...), well this is becoming really complicated. Awesome. What am I gonna do now?
Okay, fine, I'll install lightroom on my loaner lap top so I can batch edit and if nothing else, get a few images to Missy and D right away.
Oh? whats that? YOU AREN'T GOING TO INSTALL? I literally tried about 7 times. It was a no go. And this happened to be one of those days where everything I touched fell or broke. My clock fell off the wall, my whiteboard calendar broke into pieces off the wall, I broke the only needed light bulb in a DIY soft box project I was trying to do, I stepped on a thumbtack, the dryer wasn't drying properly etc etc. But at this point in the day it was now "midnight", I had been reduced to tears at least twice and I was feeling really very guilty about not having this done already, for someone I loved so greatly.
So I googled what programs could/would open .cr2 files, and found an free windows 8 app that would do trick. Its now 1am at this point. It installed and I opened it up to see what the options were, expecting it to be basically a version of Paint only (all windows 95 style). But much to my surprise it had a LOT of options. There were the typical instagram type filters available to make images seem more "artsy fartsy" but it also had SOME ability (read; SOME) to refine and manipulate color and such. While this was really wonderful, I also knew that this would not give me the quality that I wanted to provide. So I slept on it before I started the process.
I woke up the next morning, determined. Because I knew if all of the elements were fighting against me, and I still managed to get some images that I was proud of... not only will I have given D some memories to share, but I will also have managed to have a teachable moment and figure out what to do when the worst happens. And have confidence that I can still manage to keep some semblance of quality to hand to my clients/friends/deity's.
Well, I spent the entire day trying to figure out this new... half ass program. And honestly, it surprised me! Given the amount of pictures I had selected I only had to toss a few out due to limits of said program. I ended up with about 64 edited images. And... well... going to toot my own horn a little bit here, but... given that entire world was conspiring against me to get this done...
I'd say I'm pretty pleased with myself.
Here's Denise. As radiant and loving as ever.
Is the image technically perfect? No. No its not. And all the (my) critics will give a thousands thoughts and opinions about it. Thats okay. Its a trolls right to be a troll. (also doesn't help that the compression makes it seem a little more fuzzy than in reality). And even looking at it now, there are a few things in terms of editing that I would do differently. Like yo.... look at all that blur! (i kinda like it though... gives that dream effect!) But none of that matters. The expression she is giving to Kelly is so sincere. And THAT is was I am more than happy to share with her. The moment is beautiful. And she is beautiful in it. <3
Dear Denise,
Thank you for being a guinea pig client for worst case scenario scenario's as a faux-tographer. ;) Aside from it being an onslaught of teachable moments... I think the thing I'm most thankful for is having the experience in the first place. While all the technical issues were a pain, and seemingly insurmountable... it doesn't take anything away from how excited and happy I am for you and your family. You are one of the most kind and generous people I've ever met in my life and its truly and honor just to know you. I am so happy that our paths crossed once again as adults and that you've become such a force in my life; your soul is so genuine, I really believe that everyone in your life is better for having known you. I am so excited to see Patrick grow as a big brother, and I'm so excited that you and Brentyn have become parents of two! You all are so loved.
And on a personal note, I am excited to be a part of the journey, and to love on little lady S as much as you'll let me. ;)
(obligatory instagram photo of little lady S. We will definitely be upgrading from instagram to real camera-ing soon... and with MUCH LESS TECHNICAL DIFFICULTY:) )
Keep on keepin on,
Go forth and be awesome
~flave
Keep on keepin on,
Go forth and be awesome
~flave
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