care enough to not care.
Monday night I was watching football with the one and only Michael Lark. Mike is one of my best friends in the whole wide world, so its been nice having someone to watch football with since I am no longer in my comfy Westminster Crew bubble. He is as big of a football enthusiast as I am except that he has this... problem. He's a Steelers fan.
But of course, because I love the kid, I decided to try and watch the game with him, not remembering that my least favorite team in football, is playing my OTHER least favorite team (no not the colts...) the Bengals. Stupid ochocinco. He's soooo dumb. And now T.O? Ugh jeez. I can't handle all the ridiculousness of that situation. And then add Hines Ward and DTF Rothelisburger, and I just... want to throw rocks at the pretty pretty flat screen.
So whats a girl to do? The good friend part of me says "route for the Steelers", but being a Ravens fan that just kills my soul slowly, and I just... can't route for the Bengals. So this brought me to this very important question at 2:30am when I couldn't sleep: what do you do when you have to make a decision when you just don't care either way?
I was using the comparison with Jess the other night, that its like playing yourself in chess... but then I got to thinking, any time I actually did that, I secretly always wanted one side to win more over the other. For me, it was always the black side, I am not sure if that was my inner bad girl peeking out or if I just dislike my race, either way, Black it was.
Lately I've been finding myself in situations where I feel like i have to make a choice. Sort of like when you are painting a room and you ask a man "which do you prefer, eggshell? or vanilla?". It often gives the response "looks the same to me". Which is really code for, "i don't care". Just as I, that night, did not care about who won.
I'm usually an opinionated person, so I always feel pressure to have a stance on something. Why? Why can't I just be blissfully content with the fact that to me, it doesn't matter either way? Why are people, like me, constantly compelled to always have something to say?
For me, a lot of the time its because I am pressured to have an opinion. Because I am normally pretty vocal, people seem to get uncomfortable when I just sort of shrug and go "eh". This is more than frustrating. Because lately, I've been trying to lay a little lower, not for forever, but I've been just sorta playing the wall flower. Perhaps its because I felt like I had been the center of attention for a while, its good to sort of... relax.
I think key to this predicament, is to realize that most of your problems... are exactly that. YOUR problems. They are YOUR problems that YOU created. The only reason why I feel pressured to make a decision about the Bengals vs the Steelers, is because I put that pressure on myself. Sure I could give you the sociological explanation and say that we are taught at a young age to choose sides; good and evil, republican or democrat, cookies or candy... but the crux of the whole this is that you buy into the idea that you're supposed to make those choices. Its your choice to make a choice. But in my opinion, it actually takes more strength to take yuorself out of the equation sometimes and not get involved. Sometimes its okay to just... not care enough either way.
I secretly routed for the Bengals though... don't tell Mike.
Peace out girl scouts,
~flave
But of course, because I love the kid, I decided to try and watch the game with him, not remembering that my least favorite team in football, is playing my OTHER least favorite team (no not the colts...) the Bengals. Stupid ochocinco. He's soooo dumb. And now T.O? Ugh jeez. I can't handle all the ridiculousness of that situation. And then add Hines Ward and DTF Rothelisburger, and I just... want to throw rocks at the pretty pretty flat screen.
So whats a girl to do? The good friend part of me says "route for the Steelers", but being a Ravens fan that just kills my soul slowly, and I just... can't route for the Bengals. So this brought me to this very important question at 2:30am when I couldn't sleep: what do you do when you have to make a decision when you just don't care either way?
I was using the comparison with Jess the other night, that its like playing yourself in chess... but then I got to thinking, any time I actually did that, I secretly always wanted one side to win more over the other. For me, it was always the black side, I am not sure if that was my inner bad girl peeking out or if I just dislike my race, either way, Black it was.
Lately I've been finding myself in situations where I feel like i have to make a choice. Sort of like when you are painting a room and you ask a man "which do you prefer, eggshell? or vanilla?". It often gives the response "looks the same to me". Which is really code for, "i don't care". Just as I, that night, did not care about who won.
I'm usually an opinionated person, so I always feel pressure to have a stance on something. Why? Why can't I just be blissfully content with the fact that to me, it doesn't matter either way? Why are people, like me, constantly compelled to always have something to say?
For me, a lot of the time its because I am pressured to have an opinion. Because I am normally pretty vocal, people seem to get uncomfortable when I just sort of shrug and go "eh". This is more than frustrating. Because lately, I've been trying to lay a little lower, not for forever, but I've been just sorta playing the wall flower. Perhaps its because I felt like I had been the center of attention for a while, its good to sort of... relax.
I think key to this predicament, is to realize that most of your problems... are exactly that. YOUR problems. They are YOUR problems that YOU created. The only reason why I feel pressured to make a decision about the Bengals vs the Steelers, is because I put that pressure on myself. Sure I could give you the sociological explanation and say that we are taught at a young age to choose sides; good and evil, republican or democrat, cookies or candy... but the crux of the whole this is that you buy into the idea that you're supposed to make those choices. Its your choice to make a choice. But in my opinion, it actually takes more strength to take yuorself out of the equation sometimes and not get involved. Sometimes its okay to just... not care enough either way.
I secretly routed for the Bengals though... don't tell Mike.
Peace out girl scouts,
~flave
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