Being busy all the time is bullshit. And you know it.
Hey guys,
So this blog has been a little silent lately. And its for good reason.
Self care.
Usually when those words get uttered its because something very big and stressful happened and there is a need to lick ones wounds to move forward. And then one needs to write a blog about what happened and it becomes this big ordeal.
Well I am here to tell you that is NOT the case.
I am also here to tell you that life has been, actually, incredibly normal. For months! This is a new concept to me. I suppose, its more of a new normal (cuz lets face it, I will never be "normal").
From November to April I worked tirelessly 18 hour days between nannying, and photography. I was working 7 days a week. And when I wasn't working, I was doing wedding stuff for the bestie.
Okay, I wasn't working tirelessly, I was working tiredLY.
And I wasn't proud. I wasn't proud of the work I was doing (with exception of the shoots themselves, loved them and my models. <3), I wasn't proud of the time I was putting in with the kids because I was getting short and easily angered, I wasn't proud of the time I was taking away from my friends because I has over-scheduled myself. I wasn't proud.
I WAS proud that I was going for it, and I was excited about the new opportunities that were seemingly just being handed to me. I was proud of how far I had come in just a few short months, creatively.
But I wasn't proud as a whole. And the lack of sleep and the lack of mindless fun in my life was really creating sort of a suffocating environment for myself. Not in a tragic way, but it could have been. Oh, it could have been. I caught it kind of early, saw what was happening, and cut the fat where I could so that I could just be a better person to the people around me. Including my clients.
So, I took a break. I took a break from being the iron fist nanny, I took a break from being a marketing machine (and periscope the ultimate time suck, jesus), I took a break from forcing myself to stay up until three to get all the emails and editing I needed to get done, only to hate myself in the morning because I was so tired. And instead, I was fun "adventure walk" nanny, and "lets eat snack creatively" nanny, and became a(n) "only photograph for fun" creative (fun being subjective. clients are fun to me... birthday parties however? eh....) and became a little more lax on the "post all the things on my fanpage because if I don't the world might end" mindset. I also allowed myself to sleep before 1am, and allowed myself to breathe, and go for night walks. And in the summer, I've even left my laptop at home entirely on trips and just enjoyed having time.
This, to me, was self care.
Sure at the time, it was needed, but I am not sure I really understood that. It wasn't until about a month ago that I realized that I actually DID wake up one day and said "fuck it, I'm just gonna go easy on stuff this week. I'm tired of being a cog in my own machine. Lets try something else."
There's nothing wrong with being a well oiled machine. But I wasn't. I was grinding my gears. And I wasn't really unhappy or anything, but I wasn't really feeling as good as I SHOULD be about things that I do love (the kids, photography, my friends etc etc), and there's so much guilt that comes with that. No one was getting the best of me, and we/they all suffered a bit.
So, my version of self care wasn't a result of a burn out, or some crazy stressful event, I just woke up and said "this isn't working for me, or anyone else, and I'm mindful of that." I was pushing myself too hard in many directions, and instead of pushing the metaphorical wall, I decided to breathe, take a break from what I thought I was supposed to do, and just did things because they felt right.
I didn't stop taking beautiful pictures, I still have a ton that I'm excited to share with you soon! I didn't stop nannying, either. I didn't stop doing anything, I just was more mindful of the "why". And while I was being more mindful of the "why", I was able to enjoy what I was doing more. Because I wasn't forcing any situation in any direction anymore. I got better sleep, learned more about photography, went to the beach for a week, attended a bachelor and a bachelorette party, hung out some beautiful people, tanned at the pool, stopped to literally smell the flowers (and photograph them of course!). And as a result, everything I've accomplished and experienced during this time at a slower pace I have enjoyed more than I ever could have before. Because my headspace feels cleaner and less chaotic, everything has my full attention in that moment. And I've felt the experiences on a deeper level than I could have before. And it feels so wonderful!
We live in this time period where we are pressured to believe that the busier we are, the more successful we will become, but I'm hear to tell you that its bullshit. Its one thing to be busy because you love it, its entirely another to be busy because you think its what you need to do to get ahead. The most successful people in business and in life that I tend to gravitate towards, are the ones that make time for themselves. The ones that find peace in the peace of their mind, the ones that take 10 minutes a day to have quiet. They grind when they need to, and they work hard when they need to, but not just for the sake of grinding and working hard. Its because they are mindful, and love the work they're doing.
I bounce pretty frequently between being a type A person and a type B person. Its a struggle. And I am still working to master the best qualities of both to best suit who I am. Because when I'm type B, I am super type B. And when I'm type A, I am super type A (I think much of this has to do with the bi polar 2 diagnosis, but thats a whole other topic for a blog, and not really the point here). But when I'm one, the other really beats up on me. When I'm super busy and on top of all the things and regimented etc etc, by type B is BEGGING to just not do the dishes for a few days. And when I'm super low key, my type A is like "uhh HELLO. You need to be out there marketing like now, And while you're doing that, also make sure that all of your branding is cohesive, and make an announcement about what you're doing and take pictures of your in house products, and make sure the room is spotless so its easy to photograph" etc etc.
This is a battle many of us fight. I know I am not alone. I think its actually a beautiful thing that many of us creative times suffer from the same personality crisis (hehe). For me the key is going to be finding a good balance between the two. And being busy, just to brag to other people about how much you got done is not only transparent, its detrimental to yourself. Being busy for busy's sake is basically the life equivalent of treading water. Of COURSE you should be proud of yourself and the work you do, and of COURSE you should brag when you've overcome the obstacles facing you (even if that obstacle is the mountain of disgusting pillows in your laundry room). But for me, at least, it isn't enough to do all the things all the time just for the sake of doing the things. And trying to prove your worth to others by a showing of how much crap you can get done in a day/week really isn't the way to go (remind me of this in a few months when I am feeling the pressure to be superwoman). The idea is that you should do things because they are important, and you should take care of yourself because its important, and you should take care of you house because its important, and you should take care of your kids because its important, and you should take care of your career because its important.
But you don't have to do all of the things simultaneously for them to BE important. Delegate, if you can, take your time, if you can, and yes, try to do at least two things every day that put you closer to your goals than you were yesterday. You do not have to do ALL of the things, all of the time to be a successful nanny, mom, dad, teacher, student, entrepreneur, care taker, cake tester, love guru etc etc.
The culture of being busy is bullshit. And I think you know that its true. Instead, be busy for reasons that mean something to YOU. Because the culture of being busy all the time is bullshit. Be mindful of your time. And use it wisely, and be productive. But, and I'll say it one more time, the culture of being busy is bullshit.
Take the pressure of yourself. Do your thing, find peace in your down time, don't fear the down time. Use the quiet as diving board to prepare you for your next steps, find 10-15 minutes a day to embrace the pause, and I can pretty much guarantee you will think clearer, feel better, and enjoy your time more deeply. Your headspace is important, keep it clean yet energized and give things your full attention so that you can commit to the moment entirely. Being busy is bullshit, find the color in the small moments to paint the grander canvas of your life. I promise you, you'll love it. <3
Now go forth and be awesome,
yours in flaveness,
xoxo
~mflave
*Martha is a photographer for Mflave Photography, a portrait photography studio based out of Maryland, serving PA, MD and VA, dedicated to giving a luxurious and intimate boudoir experience* (and she also photographs the occasional cute kid ;) )
So this blog has been a little silent lately. And its for good reason.
Self care.
Usually when those words get uttered its because something very big and stressful happened and there is a need to lick ones wounds to move forward. And then one needs to write a blog about what happened and it becomes this big ordeal.
Well I am here to tell you that is NOT the case.
I am also here to tell you that life has been, actually, incredibly normal. For months! This is a new concept to me. I suppose, its more of a new normal (cuz lets face it, I will never be "normal").
From November to April I worked tirelessly 18 hour days between nannying, and photography. I was working 7 days a week. And when I wasn't working, I was doing wedding stuff for the bestie.
Okay, I wasn't working tirelessly, I was working tiredLY.
And I wasn't proud. I wasn't proud of the work I was doing (with exception of the shoots themselves, loved them and my models. <3), I wasn't proud of the time I was putting in with the kids because I was getting short and easily angered, I wasn't proud of the time I was taking away from my friends because I has over-scheduled myself. I wasn't proud.
I WAS proud that I was going for it, and I was excited about the new opportunities that were seemingly just being handed to me. I was proud of how far I had come in just a few short months, creatively.
 |
| I, too, am becoming a butterfly, in my own right ;) |
But I wasn't proud as a whole. And the lack of sleep and the lack of mindless fun in my life was really creating sort of a suffocating environment for myself. Not in a tragic way, but it could have been. Oh, it could have been. I caught it kind of early, saw what was happening, and cut the fat where I could so that I could just be a better person to the people around me. Including my clients.
So, I took a break. I took a break from being the iron fist nanny, I took a break from being a marketing machine (and periscope the ultimate time suck, jesus), I took a break from forcing myself to stay up until three to get all the emails and editing I needed to get done, only to hate myself in the morning because I was so tired. And instead, I was fun "adventure walk" nanny, and "lets eat snack creatively" nanny, and became a(n) "only photograph for fun" creative (fun being subjective. clients are fun to me... birthday parties however? eh....) and became a little more lax on the "post all the things on my fanpage because if I don't the world might end" mindset. I also allowed myself to sleep before 1am, and allowed myself to breathe, and go for night walks. And in the summer, I've even left my laptop at home entirely on trips and just enjoyed having time.
This, to me, was self care.
 |
| You can almost feel the cool water of the creek looking at this. Plus, I am a sucker for little kid toes <3 |
Sure at the time, it was needed, but I am not sure I really understood that. It wasn't until about a month ago that I realized that I actually DID wake up one day and said "fuck it, I'm just gonna go easy on stuff this week. I'm tired of being a cog in my own machine. Lets try something else."
There's nothing wrong with being a well oiled machine. But I wasn't. I was grinding my gears. And I wasn't really unhappy or anything, but I wasn't really feeling as good as I SHOULD be about things that I do love (the kids, photography, my friends etc etc), and there's so much guilt that comes with that. No one was getting the best of me, and we/they all suffered a bit.
So, my version of self care wasn't a result of a burn out, or some crazy stressful event, I just woke up and said "this isn't working for me, or anyone else, and I'm mindful of that." I was pushing myself too hard in many directions, and instead of pushing the metaphorical wall, I decided to breathe, take a break from what I thought I was supposed to do, and just did things because they felt right.
I didn't stop taking beautiful pictures, I still have a ton that I'm excited to share with you soon! I didn't stop nannying, either. I didn't stop doing anything, I just was more mindful of the "why". And while I was being more mindful of the "why", I was able to enjoy what I was doing more. Because I wasn't forcing any situation in any direction anymore. I got better sleep, learned more about photography, went to the beach for a week, attended a bachelor and a bachelorette party, hung out some beautiful people, tanned at the pool, stopped to literally smell the flowers (and photograph them of course!). And as a result, everything I've accomplished and experienced during this time at a slower pace I have enjoyed more than I ever could have before. Because my headspace feels cleaner and less chaotic, everything has my full attention in that moment. And I've felt the experiences on a deeper level than I could have before. And it feels so wonderful!
We live in this time period where we are pressured to believe that the busier we are, the more successful we will become, but I'm hear to tell you that its bullshit. Its one thing to be busy because you love it, its entirely another to be busy because you think its what you need to do to get ahead. The most successful people in business and in life that I tend to gravitate towards, are the ones that make time for themselves. The ones that find peace in the peace of their mind, the ones that take 10 minutes a day to have quiet. They grind when they need to, and they work hard when they need to, but not just for the sake of grinding and working hard. Its because they are mindful, and love the work they're doing.
I bounce pretty frequently between being a type A person and a type B person. Its a struggle. And I am still working to master the best qualities of both to best suit who I am. Because when I'm type B, I am super type B. And when I'm type A, I am super type A (I think much of this has to do with the bi polar 2 diagnosis, but thats a whole other topic for a blog, and not really the point here). But when I'm one, the other really beats up on me. When I'm super busy and on top of all the things and regimented etc etc, by type B is BEGGING to just not do the dishes for a few days. And when I'm super low key, my type A is like "uhh HELLO. You need to be out there marketing like now, And while you're doing that, also make sure that all of your branding is cohesive, and make an announcement about what you're doing and take pictures of your in house products, and make sure the room is spotless so its easy to photograph" etc etc.
 |
| Sitting on the deck, the bugs were moving SO fast they looked like they had tails, so I played with some long exposures and created this! |
This is a battle many of us fight. I know I am not alone. I think its actually a beautiful thing that many of us creative times suffer from the same personality crisis (hehe). For me the key is going to be finding a good balance between the two. And being busy, just to brag to other people about how much you got done is not only transparent, its detrimental to yourself. Being busy for busy's sake is basically the life equivalent of treading water. Of COURSE you should be proud of yourself and the work you do, and of COURSE you should brag when you've overcome the obstacles facing you (even if that obstacle is the mountain of disgusting pillows in your laundry room). But for me, at least, it isn't enough to do all the things all the time just for the sake of doing the things. And trying to prove your worth to others by a showing of how much crap you can get done in a day/week really isn't the way to go (remind me of this in a few months when I am feeling the pressure to be superwoman). The idea is that you should do things because they are important, and you should take care of yourself because its important, and you should take care of you house because its important, and you should take care of your kids because its important, and you should take care of your career because its important.
But you don't have to do all of the things simultaneously for them to BE important. Delegate, if you can, take your time, if you can, and yes, try to do at least two things every day that put you closer to your goals than you were yesterday. You do not have to do ALL of the things, all of the time to be a successful nanny, mom, dad, teacher, student, entrepreneur, care taker, cake tester, love guru etc etc.
The culture of being busy is bullshit. And I think you know that its true. Instead, be busy for reasons that mean something to YOU. Because the culture of being busy all the time is bullshit. Be mindful of your time. And use it wisely, and be productive. But, and I'll say it one more time, the culture of being busy is bullshit.
 |
Two of my favorite people in the world. Iggs and Meals, helping each other through the watering hole.
|
Take the pressure of yourself. Do your thing, find peace in your down time, don't fear the down time. Use the quiet as diving board to prepare you for your next steps, find 10-15 minutes a day to embrace the pause, and I can pretty much guarantee you will think clearer, feel better, and enjoy your time more deeply. Your headspace is important, keep it clean yet energized and give things your full attention so that you can commit to the moment entirely. Being busy is bullshit, find the color in the small moments to paint the grander canvas of your life. I promise you, you'll love it. <3
Now go forth and be awesome,
yours in flaveness,
xoxo
~mflave
*Martha is a photographer for Mflave Photography, a portrait photography studio based out of Maryland, serving PA, MD and VA, dedicated to giving a luxurious and intimate boudoir experience* (and she also photographs the occasional cute kid ;) )
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